Chinese!!

Well this is it.
First O level ; Chinese!!
Man I'm damn nervous! Yesterday all I did was play LoL with my jie and.. Well.. Read through some phrases for Chinese and that's it. Slack much?
Just gotta keep telling myself I can do it! I went for all but one of the Chinese intensive classes so I'm sure I improved a little. I hope. ><
Oh man this is nerve wreaking !!!
Took fluff out yesterday and for the first time let her run a little without the leash :P
Oh well gotta run!! Wish me luck :P

Oh well.

Just finished stalking again. And while you might think its really creepy or whatever, well let's just say its on the internet. Its the most public place ever. Besides, I wouldn't have known about how so many of my friends ' mask ' themselves.
Okay so that's common sense. I mean, even I do it sometimes. But all the time? That's just sad. Or maybe I'm the sad one, keeping home problems separate from my school life so I wouldn't have to fake a mask, wouldn't have to feel miserable and still 'smile for the world!' hm I don't know. It works, kinda. I mean, why force yourself to be so miserable just to please the people around you, people who aren't going to be in your life for long? Please. Don't we all live
For ourselves? Isn't that the way it should be?
' on the verge of breaking down in school. ' I guess things must have been quite bad and yeah I shouldn't judge. Oh well.
Okay so I realize there isn't any point to these cynical ish comments. Hm. Oh I was wondering. I wonder how does it feel like to be on the verge of breaking down? Wouldn't it be better to just let it all out , or is it just a much much worse case of that? Hm
Recently, after hearing more and more about the family crap, I had this ' need to tell someone! ' feeling and it was SO bad. But oh, there wasn't anyone who could understand. And after all that with *him I realized I sort of lost the ability to confide things like that to people. Huh. Thanks for screwing my life up.
Anyway. The feeling, the frustration just kept building up and dear god up till now I still haven't released the build up yet. Probably doesn't sound serious here. Hm. Not sure how this sounds but I'm dealing with it myself, sucking it up and moving on.
Or maybe, I just pushed it one side and am living in denial again, waiting for it to slap me in the face first chance reality gets.
At this complete loss of what to do. I'm starting to appreciate what I have now little by little. Sigh only time will tell, eh?