Character Development

That's right, folks. Character development occurred, or so I'd like to think. 

This past weekend I accepted that lounging in bed until 10am is also an acceptable use of time, because hell yeah did I enjoy it just lying and rolling reading my trashy mangas and all. 

Who said we had to 'seize the day' everyday? I don't have that kind of energy man, I'm so tired. 

Anyway, I found a book I bought a LONG time ago at my mom's house and I kid you not, it looks so Victorian trashy, I'm giggling just reading the first few lines. Can't wait to dive into this! 

So where's the development? I think I'm starting to understand that it's okay not to min-max my life, reading books and doing my art isn't a waste of time. If I enjoy it, then it's all gucci. There's no need to always think, "Will this help me earn more money in the future?", "Am I better than others?", "Is this a good use of my time, will it be better spent doing something else?" Like oi gurl (fast running out of years to call myself that, or maybe at 25 I already have lol), chill and smell the rain. Just chill. 

So today I'mma read that book 'No Place For A Lady' which I predict will be as trashy and dramatic as my josei mangas and you know what? I'm so excited and looking forward to it which is a nice feeling I haven't had in a while. 

I can't always expect to have this happy feeling of excitement and anticipation, but I think I'll just enjoy it when it does come. Like now, heh. 

Merry Christmas

Played overcooked with Sam while Ter napped on my bed.

Received a sweet, sweet voice message from J wishing me Merry Christmas. 

I'm happy ^^

一人でなんか寂しいね

I'm not alone.

I'm really, really not alone. 

I am so so loved. And I know that. 

So why is it that at the end of the day, when I lie down in bed, it feels like I'm alone in it all?

I'm being dramatic, of course. I mean, sometimes, when I'm with people, I just want to be alone. But when I'm alone, I want to be with people. 

I think is just me being difficult la. Either way also not happy. 

Songs

You know how when you listen to a song you haven't listened to in a long while, you get to experience all the emotions you've ever felt when you first heard it all over again?

This just resparked my love for that anime trash Free! Damn. 

Moving on

So much has happened, and I'm just watching from the sidelines like the fool that I am.

I suppose after that, I must truly bid this goodbye. I haven't been the person I should have been for you despite everything that you've done for me.

I'm sorry. I really am. And I know that, at least for a really long time here on, this guilt will stay with me. Deservedly, I guess.

Hustling

What a misleading title, I'm not hustling at all.

But. Must. Get. Up. And. Continue. Working.

.....

Come on, you can do it.

There's work to be done.

Lunch

So hungry but no one to eat with.

I hate eating alone outside.

Sigh

I did it again. Again.

Hmmm

I'm not sure how to feel now.

You're being self-centred and unreasonable Er. Stop it.

End

The end.

I hope you've at least learnt something from this whole episode, Er.

Mods

I really really really just need to decide leh. Walao.

Sem 1

It's definitely going to be a lonely and difficult semester, I think.

It feels like I've turned from the role of the supported to the support - and I don't know how to do that. It's scary.

Also, people will move on. He will move on to a person better than me. Nothing for me to comment beyond that, I suppose. It's just a weird, sad feeling. At the same time, I'll be a little glad when he does.

Ahhhh. I screwed it all up, right as uni is about to poofle before my very eyes.

Poofle.

Heartbreaks

So much of that heartbrokeness going around these days.

Why is it so difficult?

Salty

Salty, legit low key salty.

I mean, I mentioned so many times but apparently cannot la so I doubt my words carried as much weight as was said to be?

Nah I'm just being damn salty.

But hey, whatever works right? As long as its better then okay la nothing to complain then.

I mean, it's pretty とうぜん so... Aight it's gonna be alright.

And thus the circle shrinks yet once again.

Goodnight world.

Silence

I mean, I think I'll just have to get used to the silence again.

It was a great time while it lasted, I suppose. But it's not a luxury that is for me to have anymore now.

Maybe I should download Mystic Messenger again, HAHA. False company for the next 10 days.

Sigh

I was really looking forward to it but nope.

And its really 仕方ない的东西 you know? So like, what to do?

Ya lor. What to do.

School's starting

School's starting next week, and it feels like it's going to get real lonely when it does.

I don't know what I want anymore.

Endings

I deserve none of the care, consideration, love and affection that I've received.

Tomorrow

I am afraid of what the 'morrow will bring.