Can't think of any appropriate title...

Well now, this is hard.

I declared just yesterday that no one would discover this blog, then being the absolute fool that I am/was (who cares about English here), I went ahead and did the exact opposite.

Anyway, I'm just hoping that my classmates aren't no-lifers like me and go on stalking sprees on blogs... well... yeah they're not. So I'm safe here. HAHA.

Skipped CCA today again since I have FOM presentation tomorrow and feeling insanely paranoid that all the seniors have a bad impression of me for skipping so often. Ahem I mean, I really wanted to go today! Like I brought all my stuff to school. 

Before I realised that IF i went to CCA, by the time I'm home and done with dinner, shower and settling down, it's bedtime and I'll be totally and completely exhausted. What can I say? I don't have good physical fitness. Tanking late at night is just not me.

Right now I'm just procrastinating practicing my FOM slides. Even went to the extent of combing Fluffy! 

Okay that was partially because I felt bad that Bryan and Valerie take such good care of their dogs and I don't. 

Not that it was a bad thing though hm.

Oh, and parking my ass in front of the computer worrying over a bag of chips about karma because I laughed at him so much today. Dude I'm sorry, but not that sorry. Just being honest here. Haha. 

Bag of chips is probably not the best option here but ... it was really tempting me! Silently. Of course.

Anyway. 

Oh gosh ITB presentation on 16 Aug? I should really pay more attention in class. I get this feeling that I'll be screwed for my exams and stuff. I should be studying but... worrying about it over a bag of chips is way more delicious. 

Oh! Thought of something just now!

Twinkle twinkle little star

Wish on non-existent stars

Up above the world so bright 

Hope your voice comes back tonight

Twinkle twinkle little star

Please don't strike me with karma. 

Okay. I'm just being super paranoid about karma now. And because I feel bad. For being so mean. See karma? Don't come after me. Okay I should totally start my work. Otherwise, I would have skipped CCA for naught. 

Hope Bryan gets his voice back tomorrow. Though if it doesn't, it'll still be funny. Heh. Okay. Should stop being mean. Later karma come find me. 

In the form of sore throat.

Before a presentation. 

With a loss of voice.

Dear Little one...

It's over a week since my little rabbit died. 

Somewhere inside me, even though it is clearly evident that she is no longer around, I am still denying the fact that she's gone. That she has already been cremated.

Strangely, just a few weeks before, Gen was sharing with me the poem One Art. 

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster. 

Elizabeth Bishop

How true is that? 

It is possible now to think and write of it without tears rolling down like crazy. But the pain stays. 

The art of losing is in fact, hard to master. 

So much I could have done, yet didn't. 

So much I could have noticed, yet I saw nothing. 

She was crying for attention, all the way till the end, yet I couldn't tell. 

Huh. this really fits I was not waving, but drowning.

My sweet little rabbit. I am sorry. For not being a good owner. For not letting you out when I should have. For not appreciating your presence in the kitchen, no matter how small it was. 

It is ironic how large your presence becomes now that you're gone. Simple actions such as cutting fruit pinches my heart. Because I want to turn around and give you  the first bite of the fruit before that greedy son of yours comes hopping by. 

But then I remember; you're not there to eat it anymore. 

I search my phone desperately for a recent photo of you, and I can't find one. You left me so suddenly, it is hard to accept. The regrets just keep piling up. 

I wish it were a dream. I wish that time could turn back. To hold your warm body and shower you with the affection you deserved before your last breath. Oh, how I wish could. 

It was a lie, to say that I have gotten over it. To say that no tears would be shed as I remember you.

As I grieve your passing, I pray and hope that you're up there somewhere with Rabbit and Dale, in large fields and the strength of a young bunny, enjoying the life that you so rightly deserve. 

Love, 

Yan Er