So dead ohmygod

I'm so dead so dead so dead for tomorrow's fma ohmygoddd

This is the first time going in feeling super unprepared yet i can't really do more omg there goes the gpa

Cuts

Its scary because I can sort of understand why someone would cut themselves.

At that moment pain is a much better distraction for the tears that are about to spill, or maybe the breakdown waiting to happen.

Close, but not quite there yet.

Good thing I'm allergic to pain.

Half a year to one year

So that's how long I have left to enjoy life as I know it.

When will they stop the good guy bad guy thing?

I'm getting really sick and tired of all this shit.

FYI Y'all this is a rant

Things feel really crappy recently and it sucks because I'm starting to feel a bit of secondary school feeling which I never want to feel again because the loneliness and envy just sucked so bad yet right now life is starting to suck so much because my family is just screwed up and exams are coming but the mood just isn't there so my GPA is confirm going to drop and sometimes I just want someone to understand that everything is getting so messed up that I can't feel happy for others and I'm getting so angry inside that it's scary because I don't know what to do but no one likes sob stories and no one can help me get rid of this anger and sometimes it's like no one cares even though I know that's not true but everything is piling up and if I don't deal with this then the feeling weighing on my chest won't go away and I'll feel like those times when I hid outside class during recess because I felt invisible and being in a room with others felt even worse and I haven't used a comma or a fullstop so maybe I should end this here okay goodnight people!

Trauma

I did something stupid last night but well if I didn't try then, I probably would never know right? (--> trying to convince myself harhar)

I accompanied Val, Bryan and Mark to Clarke quay last night with Eva and well. You know, Clarke quay = glug glug of disgusting alcohol.

Before you continue judging, let me just say all i had was one darn tequila shot, just one okay!

So obviously i should be fine but well hahahaha! God knows what happened with my stomach, I just rejected everything during the week hours of the morning and puked it all out. And it wasn't even much to begin with!

So for two freaking hours this morning I went from diarrhea to throwing up (phlegm of all things because there wasn't anything else ugh) to resting and repeating the whole shit again and again.

I say trauma because when I look at lemons now, (it was part of the drink) I get this sick feeling and ugh looking at the photos of those crappy drinks feels even worse.

The only good thing was that I learnt where meidi-ya is located.

Looks like I'm not drinking or eating lemons for the next 10 years of my life if its anything like my fear of eating luncheon meat =\

Anyway thanks Eva for sending Bryan to wait with me for the taxi and thanks Bryan for waiting even though you probably wanted to sit with the others and wait for your colourful shots.