Back Again

School started not long ago, and yeah I decided to go to Singapore Polytechnic instead of a Junior College. And the same course as my sister too! I just hope I enjoy Business Admin. 

I just felt like ranting a little today, feeling the same-old same-old unhappiness. Yeah ranting while watching Ye Shi Ren Shen and the bad guy's feeling depressed and wants to jump off and the equally bad son running to get her and... strangely the background music sounds joyful. 
Okay let them have their flashbacks so I can continue .. 

So. I fell sick over the weekend after my sister did and well the only people who cared were like my FOM groupmates who told me to get well soon and all that since I couldn't work on the projects and my sis who was sick at the same time.. oh and Voon Kit too who came over to visit me today... ^^ 

Ahem anyway. What exactly was it I wanted to say ...

Ohhhhhhh okay I think I remember. I expressed my worry about the strange .. ohmygod they both want to jump off the building!! 

Jumpjumpjumpjumpjumpjumpjump...

Okay that's mean of me. But they're bad people! Just hurry up and jump or something oh god they have been trying for what, 10 minutes?! 

Ahh anyway as I was saying. I expressed .. 

MYGOD THEY DIDN'T JUMP AND DIE!

Right I'm so touched that the bad guys have feelings -.- 

Now back to what I've been trying to say! 

Yesterday I found this weird lump on the right side of my neck and it felt weird since the left side of my neck didn't have it. Today, it seemed to have gotten a bit weirder or something and on the top of that, high fever =/ 

I felt like .. sharing my worries with one of my best guy friends about this since well I see him all the time now but well... okay he did respond to me.. for a bit. Then it was like he ignored it until he felt like saying something. Every single time. When I mentioned being ill for the day he just ignored it as well and went on about his woes and troubles for not doing his work earlier. 

I mean, I shouldn't be upset over something like this.  Something like this screams insecurity and all that crap. But I realised just how.. I don't know, weird it felt being in a class with no one else that I can truly connect and be myself. 

A fake mask put on for school everyday because in poly, you just have to be social. Not saying that I don't like that mask entirely.. after all, it is the person that I've always wanted to be. But honestly I just realised how it totally wasn't like me at all. 

I am the quiet girl that doesn't speak much. Not the loud and crazy girl. 

And it just makes me feel more... I don't know, unwanted? It just feels like no one cares anymore and I feel alone again. 

Even after all this time, I'm still sitting by the phone thinking, "Are they going to bother replying me or are they ignoring me?" 

It's like being desperate for a little attention and I really hate it. 

Okay gotta go bathe and all! It's late already! And there's school tomorrow >< 

Cheers!