Well that was awkward

Last night's ride home was awkward and downright depressing.

Both of them were arguing over something so ugh and the conclusion was so blehh also.

Ended up feeling pretty upset too because they were both genuinely upset and really arguing and I was just like, god no not my friends too please stop ugh enough why guys don't argue over nothing

So that walk back, well it was kinda like walking home alone because Ian was just walking infront and I lost the motivation or whatever to keep up since we were both just like silent the whole way.

I kind of expected him to just walk on ahead without stopping or anything but man he actually stopped and waited for me to catch up and just gave me like the friendliest sort of smile i guess that I've ever seen when upset and was like don't think too much about it la and well I could only nod because you know, I lose my voice when I'm that upset so we parted with a 'goodnight' and a wave and that made everything alot better for a while.

Then I got a text and had to deal with the continued drama from the other party all the way to 1am so I'm pretty surprised at how awake I am now considering only 5 hours of sleep.

Gah I don't know what to do with the both of them anymore. We're not physically together but for some reason I still can hear that same deafening silence from last night and its so unsettling and its making me lose my appetite although I don't know why ugh well it saves money but ahhhh.

Kay bye ~

Guides cookies

These days, a particular memory from secondary school keeps resurfacing and good gosh it's making me miserable please stop.

I think it was in sec 3 or 4 that this happened, though I'm not very sure. It could be lower sec 2.

We were collecting orders for the guide cookies and well with my extremely small circle of friends, I didn't really have many people to ask. Not to mention most of them (which was two haha pathetic right) were also girl guides so my list looked really... empty.

I felt way too shy to ask people and when I finally got around to doing that, I found out that most had already gone to my other two friends to order the cookies. It was either that or they couldn't afford it.

I guess I must have looked pretty miserable because Adam and Raihan dug into their pockets to share one box and order from me so that my list would look so sad and damn did I feel like crying at that moment.

To have such awesome friends made me feel so touched and grateful, but at the same time the feelong of being pitied like that felt so horrible. But even so thank you so much guys haha, it made my day anyway. =D

Making friends is really hard. Even now, I'm still questioning what kind of friends do I have in class. The feeling is so dang weird. Like we're friends but at the same time, something about being friends is missing. And it's probably because of something about me since I've had this feeling since always.

Ah I don't know how to say this. Friends but it feels so weird. What am I saying.