Tch

I just hate the whole world right now la. 

Judging books

Always see the phrase don't judge book by its cover. 

Usually when i scold/get a little vulgar aka today during training haha people get this super shocked face. 

But like I scold is quite normal leh. Like really. They really never hear before?

Actually.  All my poly friends always feel weird when I scold those because my face doesn't seem to match it.

Calm calm one or poker face or something. Really? Wow my face is really not known to me man. 

So informal today cos after training tired ah. And I wish that this kind of days can go on and on. Those cca people rock you know?

Just that today no one go back with me quite sad ah. Usually whole ride is either I hear Ian talk the whole way or if just me and yu liang then we bullshit some stuff all the way. Fun you know?

Okay almost half my journey done liao. Very stress sia this term. GPA confirm got problem this time one. But no one will believe me.

Aiya.  Reach home bathe then continue stressing. Studies aren't my everything anymore.  I hope. Kk bye. 

Poly better or sec school?

As long as you've graduated from secondary school, everyone will always ask and compare. Now, or then?

Usually, I prefer now to then. But everyone's like "No no no, secondary school was more fun."

In a way, I kind of agree with them. The girl friends I made there feels so much more real. I mean, yeah I hated my school and my cca but the friends I made were pretty awesome.

Actually then why do I say I prefer poly? This is weird. I mean yeah its the first time I can talk to more people in class, more girls actually. No I'm not les. 

The freedom is amazing. My cca is awesome and I love the friends I made there.

I think..  I tend to say I prefer poly because .. probably because I hate myself a lot less than in secondary school. 

Thing is, if I don't sit down and think about all the good times in secondary school, when I think about those four years, I can only see through this dark filter.

Images of myself walking home alone because I had no one to hang with after school. Of me looking down from the fourth floor wondering if life was worth living even though I'm allergic to pain. (Haha). Sitting huddled at the back of class during recess because I hated going for recess. On the steps because everyone left without me.

Not so much of Kezia and I giggling over stupid things,  peeping over Roii's shoulder like bashful admirers because her drawing is awesome. Racing with the guys to see who could finish their math questions faster.  Poking fun of everyone and the school with Sarah and Soo. I hardly see those when I think of HSCS. 

Its so unfair. Why does everyone love their secondary school so much? Why do they get to see all the light and sunshine, the happy and awesome? And all that comes to mind is the patch of darkness. Life now is still fair from perfection but I still love it, and it seems like no one else does.

I guess I don't have a definite answer for this. I like them both. Different aspects of them. But honestly? Even primary school felt better than secondary school. Ugh this is not going to end.

Kay bye~