Everytime. It's been a while

Yeah. It's been a long long while since I felt this weird, heavy feeling on my chest. I believe people usually call it sadness.

Well it's not sad exactly... Kind of like sigh now what do I do kind of sad?

I am so afraid.

So afraid of messing things up. Of hurting people's feelings. Of being anything less than what people expect me to be.

Okay the last one not so much anymore, but I'm still afraid.

But really, what do I do now? Maybe I'm just worrying too much (as usual) in advance.

Yet.. I mean..  Okay come on. Going to a church? That is like one of the top places I never wanted to enter. But telling that to a Christian would be offensive.

At the same time, I really really feel uncomfortable with just the thought that I might have to enter one. Why? I don't even know, which frustrates me quite a little.

At the moment, my interest in religion as a whole is just zilch. And I'm just thinking, if I'm not sincere towards the whole thing,  then for what reason am I there?

I think I'm seriously worrying too much in advance.

Yan Er