I supposed friends do articulate it better. The time and space to properly heal, why didn't that cross my mind? Thanks YL, haha, I really do feel better after talking to you.

Come to think of it, this is like code-switching isn't it haha, dominant langs and all.

Okay enough nerd, enough emo. Who knows who set the bridge on fire but what's done is done. Onwards, as YL said.

Why is it that even a year after I'm still shedding tears over things related to this shit.

Why does it always seem like I'm the one at fault here. Did I really do something wrong?

Why is it that I can't do anything right with this.

What am I sad about?

It's here. The insecurities are all around again. What's going on. Why are they back. Go away. I don't want to deal with you anymore. Why does everything seem so dark and gloomy. I don't want this. Go away.

Let me study in peace.

How are you supposed to respond when your mother's 心事 is to die early?

What are you supposed to say when your mother says she doesn't plan on being there for you after a certain age?

Nod and say, "Sure thing mom."?

Or maybe I'm just not mature enough to respond to her problems like a peer.

No. Because all I can do sit there and cry at the thought that my mom doesn't plan on being there for as long as possible.

Running away

I like running away from things.

That way, I don't have to face them.

Tuition and others

Tsk Walao sibei angsty leh.

Tmr class at first say don't have, then later change and say have so now is 1-430pm.

Ya la. Is just me la. But I don't like such last min changes here and there like, make up your mind and tell me can? Don't last min want change here change there.

Doesn't help that sigh I've been eating so much recently, suddenly everyone I'm with wants to eat desserts and my fat self just can't say no so there we go extreme guilt is settling in.

I can't take it leh. I'm really hating my body right now. I don't like how it feels. I don't like it at all.

Need to drag myself out and feel healthier again. Really cannot take it. Everything feels horrible. My internal systems feel like dying everytime I ingest something sweet. Feel like hurling when I think about it.

Oh man. I don't like being like this la. I want to enjoy my food and life. Stop being so whiny and weak can anot Er.

Gah I really hate myself. Why did I do this to myself, oh goddess.

Why didn't I start earlier? Why didn't I have more discipline? Why am I still here typing and not memorising?

And all the junk food that I've been eating. I'm starting to hate my body so much again. I mean, like hell yeah I love eating all those food but, damn it. I don't like the consequences. I need to exercise soon. I don't like myself like this. I hate myself like this.

On the bright side, one paper down! Just 2 more to go.

Privatisation

Yeah, so I was wondering if I should actually private this blog. 

Surely you weren't thinking that I was going to go political or talk business, were you? xD Puh-leese. 

So back to the matter on hand. I mean, it's not like anyone has been viewing this from the beginning, so there really isn't much difference with privating it or not. If that's the case, though, then why so hesitant? 

I don't get myself, haha. Damn it. I mean, okay. I've always figured that if I was going to put something on the internet, no point trying to do privacy settings because if I really didn't want anyone to see this, it'll be in my diary. 

Although, this is really a lot less strenuous for the hand. Damn, how lazy have I gotten? As though typing assignments all semester wasn't enough. 

So. 

Okay. 

I don't know. 

Hahahaha. 

EL2111 exam tomorrow morning. Am I prepared for it? Hell no. I really just gave up halfway. So. Good luck to me tomorrow hahahaha. 

On the bright side, in less than errr. 12? hours, I WILL BE DONE WITH PETER'S MOD. 

I can do this! 

EL2111

I have never felt so much resistance, hatred and annoyance for one module as I have studying for this exam.

Less than 24 hrs before I get properly screwed by this mod.