To be... or not to be

I am having mixed feelings now. 

On one hand, I'm sad. Well of course I'm sad damnnit. I'd be an unfeeling bitch to be feeling not sad right now. Sad to the point where you can feel the tears welling up inside you but its controllable. 

Or that could be just me. Hm. 

On the other hand, I feel normal. Like really normal. Meh meh. 

But like, well, I'm alone again. 

And before I continue, if this doesn't make sense to whoever actually bothers reading, it's not supposed to make sense until I tell you what happened  or you get it from hearsay. Anyway. 

Yeah and it kinda makes me sad. Like, what if it was a bad choice? What if the whole insecurity thing sets in again? What if its the start of the end? 

Dun dun dun. Start of the end; how deep. 

I guess it'll take some time for me to get used to being just me again. It'll be a long and painful(?) and depressing process but I guess I have to do it. I mean, I promised no tears will fall so that at least I can achieve; I think. 

Well it's not like I can just burst out in tears to anyone these days. It's hard! Seeing their total loss of what to do look when you deliver earth shattering news to them while tears roll down their cheeks. I can't do that. It's hard. 

So much going on in my life right now... and my face can still seem as if it's all right yo! kinda thing. Yet in a way, yeah, I believe it'll be all right in the end. 

I'm sure it will.