It's so sad

Ya cos like, ever since secondary school, I kind of don't get invited for anything anymore.

Sounds so ridiculous but really.

Like, in lower sec, one of the girls had a gathering to celebrate her birthday at East coast Park and like almost all the girls were there, including my, I guess clique? But obviously I wasn't.

So apparently something big happened, along the lines of some girl getting rejected by a guy and they were quietly buzzing about it, including my clique, but I was so out of the loop.

Which is a pretty lonely feeling.

Fast forward to seven years later, where I casually check Instagram and I notice my classmates meeting up and posting photos of it every now and then.

It's a small group of them, but still. 

Because I was supposedly closer to them at the start? Or so I thought anyway.

Special birthday posts for them. Random meet ups. All of which just doesn't happen to me.

And it's not like I should be jealous or envious or anything, since I do like staying home by myself too and meeting up with them usually feels weird because I can't follow what they're talking about.

Even so, it feels kinda sad. And lonely.

That even after so many years, nothing much has changed. I'm still sitting on the other side looking over enviously, wondering why am I not there too.

That unknown force

It's amazing how a whole train of thought can go through your mind in literally a split second. 

Just moments ago, I dropped one of my sister's favourite necklace on the escalator just as it was about to end. I quickly picked it up and got off the escalator without damaging the necklace or hurting myself.

Sounds normal enough right?

Immediately after, however, my hands began trembling a little because of what went through my mind and how many emotions I felt within that second.

"Necklace dropped?"

Image of myself putting the necklace in my bag and the reason I did so flashed in my mind.

Brain registered that it's my sister's (favourite) necklace.

Instant panic.

Brain screamed, "JIE'S NECKLACE OHMYGOD SHE WILL KILL ME!!!"

Image of my sister being very upset when she finds out flashed quickly.

Brain also registered that if it goes in, the necklace is history.

Body moved by itself working with the hand and legs to pick up the necklace and step off the escalator without tripping.

HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF.

At that moment, I definitely reacted faster than usual. It was like an unknown force just pushed my down to grab it and move. Is this what desperation feels like?

Anyhow, together with the bad photo submission for my student card, this promises to be a good start to the day. =/

But, how?

I just saw a video on Facebook showing this weirdo stranger asking a girl to follow him and stuff while holding his private area and the comments were so disgusting. 

People were saying things like how she would follow him if he were rich simply because from her accent, one can tell that she's from the Philippines. For goodness sake you idiots. If it were like, a Singaporean Chinese, you wouldn't be saying stuff like that. Racist pricks. 

Other comments were basically saying, "Next time, call for help, don't just video it down." 

Am I the only one watching who feels scared for the poor girl? I mean, it's super easy to just say, "Ask for help," but when it comes down to it, how are we supposed to do it? 

How do you ask the people around you for help? Grab the person nearest to you and say, "That guy is bothering me, help!" 

To even speak up would be difficult for the girl, somehow. The best thing I can think of is to go to the control station and alert the staff there since it feels like the people around wouldn't want to involve themselves in unnecessary trouble. Tis' the Singaporean way of life, huh? 

"Don't want la, someone else will help." 

Forever and always.  

So. Weighed. Down.

This whole talk and stuff about religion playing a part in my life is getting me down.

I'm not sure what it's intended purpose is, but it definitely doesn't seem to be working well for me, even if I'm just barely at the introductory stage. Isn't that the part that's supposed to be the most interesting part of it to draw you in to the religion? I don't know.

I have to keep telling myself that I'm doing it for myself, since that's the way it should be. Maybe if it repeat it often enough, I'll actually start to believe it and it'll come true.