Convocation 2017

Not mine, Jie's convocation was yesterday.

Which was really cool, like I can't wait till I get to wear that too!

Or scratch that, wearing that means my days as a student is over and that's really scary.

The highlight, anyway, was the family photo and dinner that night!!!

Now, I could totally get all emotional and teary over how it showed me the things I should have but I don't. But I have a choice to be just ultra happy that it happened and while it is super tempting to fall back into the abyss of sorrow, I shall strive to remain in the warmth of happiness ~.

It was so great and so so so special to have a meal together as a family again. Not that I'd ever want them to get together again, hell no that's a terrible idea. But finally they weren't awkward with each other. The power of my sister's graduation is amazing. XD

I read somewhere that happy families are all alike, but unhappy families are different in their own ways or what not.

I think happy families are happy in their own ways too.

I'm seriously so tired and sick of myself right now. -.-

For goodness sake, it's almost like I'm back to the secondary school age emotionally. -.-

Good lord is this what one lousy breakup does to me? It's amazing my mom got through what she did.

What am I clinging on to?

I'm sick of being so unhappy all the time la.

I just want more than 3 years of feeling normal and happy, is it too much to ask for seriously.

Yeah yeah, smile and the world smiles with you. But smile at what, my misery? Hah. I can at least laugh at that, maybe.

What's wrong with you la girl. Can you wake up or not.

I'll drive myself crazy like this..

8/7/17

The sun has yet to rise, and the air is cool ^^. Weather like that makes everything feel better!

Zzz Insta poison

Aiya very depressing la okay scroll insta see everyone so happy with life and everything like ya I know insta only show the happy sides of their life right but I don't even have photos of happy sides of life now???

All those Oh you're back by my side babe and shit ya totally sour grapes here but srsly zzz it's damn sien to scroll and be happy for them because you know you shouldn't sour grapes but damn it I want nice plump sweet grapes too!

And I know I told myself I will never say fml because life is good as long as you look for it but screw this shit ugh I should I happy with my life but I'm not like what is wrong with me whyyy.

K bye lol -.-

A moment of happiness captured,

Before it all came crumbling down.

Sounds of memory

For a moment, I felt scared. 

It was a familiar feeling, that fear. I knew that it definitely was not what I was thinking, yet deep inside, I couldn't quell that uneasy feeling. 

I could hear from my mother's room raised voices. An upset voice, for sure, mixed with another that clearly reflected the same tone. Just to be sure, I got up and went into her room. Just to be sure. 

"You have something to tell me?" my mother asked. 

"Nope, just wanted to come in," I replied as I settled into her bed, catching up on the conversation. 

I knew it wasn't an argument. I knew that. But for that moment when I heard the voices, I felt transported back in time to before the divorce. Boy, they weren't kidding when they said sounds hold memories too. 

Even then, am I to live with this for the rest of my life?