Having passion

I've never really understood what 'having passion for etcetc' or 'do something you have a passion in,' really meant until today.

Yes yes very fast of me, I know.

As in, I get what it means but I don't understand what it feels like. How does it feel to have an undying passion for something?

Sure, when you have a passion for something, you like doing whatever it is. You really like it. Really really really really really really like it.

Hah! I'm stating the obvious now. But saying 'really like' just doesn't do the feeling of 'passion' justice.

I spent the whole of today except for about two hours, half of which was to clean the house and the other playing squash. And I don't know if I'm right or not but oh well.

I realized that I can sit and draw the whole damn day on one piece of paper (yes that's what I did) and not get bored but get more and more excited.

Hell, I laughed to myself while inking my drawings HAHA. And I can't wait to get back at it.

So anyway. Enlightenment came only when I realised that even though my drawings were like really hideous when young and still amateurish(at best) now, I'm still drawing and drawing and drawing.

I mean, look at squash. I gave up years ago after finding out how tiring and how much I sucked at it.

Actually I'm still not really sure what having a full on passion for something means but I'll just enjoy my drawings meanwhile.

Cheers!

-.-

I'm seriously damn frustrated.

And for once, its not because of training. Nope I had fun today even though my shots and everything still sucks.

Towards the end of training my sis told me my dad was going to pick me up so i was like oh okay sure save my card money.

Then moments later after I informed my mom that my training was over like she wanted, she asked me to have lunch with her.

Its not like I didn't want to eat with her, but my dad was already downstairs.

And I know she'll obviously be disappointed since that means she'll be alone but I don't know what to do! Either way I'll feel guilty and someone will be happy but that person won't be me.

What in the world am i supposed to do? 

End of exams HELL YEAH

My arm's tired from holding my phone up since I'm lying down and my legs are exhausted and aching but since I know I won't post this tomorrow, I shall do this now.

My exams and poly year 1 has (somewhat) officially ended!

And strangely, the same way (also somewhat) the way it started; at Fish and Co.

Anyway, after pizza lunch in school (dominoes rock), we went to Siloso Beach in Sentosa to play and first the guys played their rough rugby or something like that and the girls were playing volleyball. So gender segregated right. Halfway through Adeline's ball whacked my eye and my specs bent pretty badly. Oops.

But later we played the Ryan-game or whatever because it has no name so I'll call it that. Basically it involved a ball, some number calling and dodging. Damn you Ryan for throwing the balls so high but it was still really really fun anyway!

Later at night we played in the volleyball court and it was 'captain choose team' kind of thing and well as usual one of the last few to be picked but got into Ryan's team (out of pity or something but who cares, thanks for that like really) and whoa I actually managed to use what school taught in volleyball last time for service because I could serve! (And pretty much only that). Sadly no glasses so didn't see much.

And later. At the toilet. When BaoXin and I were showering. THE LIGHTS AUTO OFF OMG I ALMOST FREAKED OUT LIKE REALLY FREAK OUT. Damn those sensors. Cannot detect us moving meh! Pft.

Dinner at fish and Co then finally home whew.

Oh and thanks Ryan (again? This is weird.) For fixing my specs, its still like crooked and all but way better than before. Won't have to walk round squinting and everything.

Whew tired. I think i typed too much even thought i tried to summarize. Pics credit to the gals who took them!

Okay thats it goodnight. 

Flip phones

Right now I'm at the NATAS fair wishing like mad I have my flip phone back. With a touch screen.

Yeah its like being super greedy, "you can't have your cake and eat it too"  but noooo i want them both I love my pink flip phone I miss it so badly.

Although no, I don't miss its shitty storage space. What the hell? 1k messages in total. Although with whatsapp now it wouldn't really matter.

I miss hanging my charms on my phones. So old school, I know, but pft please. Old fashioned, cave woman, yup that's me HAHA.

I want my pink flip phone and pink charms back. Oh man I hope someone comes up with a phone that has both touch and flip features hohoho.

Bank recon update harhar

Because I got that question wrong damn it. This sure came back to me pretty fast.

My numbers are off by like, 25000.

You had one job.

Bank Recon

Since exams are in a few days, right now I'm just cramming as much revision in as possible. From the title its (somewhat) obvious that I'm doing accounting right now.

I was redoing this tutorial question on bank reconciliation and god I swear this company's accountant sucks.

The question had 8 bullet points telling me what needs to be adjusted etc and 5 of them is the bookkeeper's problem.

Didn't record

Write wrong number.... twice.

My cousin's voice just floated into my head while I was cursing this lousy bookkeeper out loud.

"You had one job." *insert dramatic eye roll.

I totally agree

It's the day of hearts fluttering down from ... wherever.

So. Valentine's day is finally over with. 

Oops. I mean finally here. But since it's past midnight, I guess the first sentence stands. 

ITS OVERRRR. 

Sigh, typical behaviour. 

In any case, I guess I did have fun today. 

First, class ended earlier at 2pm OH YEAH. 

Then, I played volleyball with the girls, which was way more fun since this time none of the guys were playing. Think I gave myself another blister though, whatever. 

And highlight of the day! Played pool at SPGG with Bryan RJ and Val. Obviously I sucked like hell. RJ carried me for the first game since everything I did missed haha. After that, Val and I played and man did I suck. 

Gave her like so many free balls and even shot one of hers in. Buuuut thanks to beginner's luck (hohoho) I somehow managed to get that last ball before she did. And that Bryan. So biased. Obviously supporting Val the whole way. Tsk. 
Of course I'm jealous LOL. No, not because of him ugh weird much, but because it was like the same when I played with my sec school friends. Everyone tried helping the other girl and left me to try by myself. Which surprise surprise was what happened today too. Of course it's not any of their fault, duh. Can't a girl be jealous-annoyed that she has to figure crap by herself all the time?

Okay a slight exaggeration but yeah whatever. It gets pretty .. well I don't know how to say, when others get extra help when here I am not getting shit either but no one is giving a damn even though we're equally clueless hello.

Anyway.

And oh! On the way home, I saw this really really pretty looking cloud! It had like cyan and light red and green!! And no, I am not colour blind or delusional. (You hear that Mark V. I am perfectly sane and un-drunk hahahaha) 

Cos my Uncle's house had no cold water. My only options were warm chrysanthemum tea or fruit beer. I tried both and the second one won. 

Anyway. I guess it wasn't that bad a day. Considering. (Screw SP's single awareness day. As if I'm not aware enough of my own relationship status psh)

And no, I am not wishing deep down inside oh how I wish I had a valentines blah blah blah. That's troublesome. What I'm wishing for is to play pool with Gen Chia again you hear me girl haha. 

It's just a weird unwanted feeling since my dad dropped me off in such a hurry, can't blame him since his girlfriend was probably waiting for him. Or me being the only kid there at the CNY dinner, boring much. 

OKAY ENOUGH PARTIAL RANTING. I shall turn in and let's hope the mosquito leaves me alone tonight. 

See, the only thing that really wants me, is the mosquito and I don't want it. Go figure, yeesh. Okay goodnight and Happy (now belated) Valentine's day y'all. 

Silence

It's happening again. 

I'm just walking with a group of friends to somewhere, and everyone is busy chatting away. 

Everyone but me. 

It's not as bad as last time but still, I'm pretty surprised to see it happen again. 

I mean, sometimes, I really just want to talk to someone or some person but honestly I have nothing to say. 

For example. I don't like going home alone but if it's just me and some other guy from class, excluding Adam since I know him quite well, I swear it's usually total silence the whole way. 

Obviously I start wondering if it's just me because well other girls don't seem to have any problems chatting away or something. 

Or sometimes I add something or a comment to a conversation and it just stops there. 

It's like, Did I say something wrong?

Inside I'm screaming, "I want to talk!!!!" yet I feel like there isn't much for me to say or I just feel like ... yeah, there's nothing for me to say. 

Everyone was chattering about how Domino's pizza was the best and the only thing I can say about Domino's was, "I don't know, there's a difference?" 

And I don't know if it's jealousy or what but ... oh nevermind. 

I just suck so badly at conversations. 

Believe it or not, sometimes it really takes a lot of effort to keep one going. 

Ugh thanks.

It's so petty. But I really find it annoying.

When the class chat just ignores~~~ all the way whatever you ask and go on with their own stuff. I mean, it doesn't happen to just me and sometimes I do ignore too anyway so I shouldn't be complaining. 

Karma.

I guess that means that no one knows. 

Ugh okay I'm thinking a wee bit too much now, as usual. Well yeah, concerning the damn chat group and no, I'm not going to say because spilling out your thinking too much thoughts feels ... I don't know, weak and whiny. 

OhMyGod. 

That moment when you (basically just me, really) realise you're more similar to Okonkwo than you think you'll ever be. 

People in my Lit class will know, haha. Spent so many essays criticizing his weaknesses, so I'm pretty sure I'll know whether or not I'm similar and ah ah ah guess what! Jackpot!

Okay not really, I'm not that extreme like he is but ugh even a little bit of similarity is puke-worthy.

Byee

PS. Happy Birthday Ryan! Many happy returns, dreams and memories. Although you won't see this probably forever since you cured yourself of stalking my blog thank you very much. 

It's CNY !

Too lazy to blog shit these days but since I'm sitting in front of my computer and kinda slacking off while internally debating if I should be pissed off at my friend or myself, I might as well take this chance to update or something.

Anyway. THANKS GEN CHIA FOR THAT POST ! 

I mean yeah I read it about a week late oops but thanks so much darlin' you're the best xD. 

And thanks so much to Kezia and co. (Too lazy to type everyone's names), that trip out on Sunday was so fun! You guys made my 18th birthday a little less lame than it really was. 

Not to mention that super cool pocket watch you guys got me. 

Athough I think I'm going to have trouble reading it, haha! 

I mean, I can't even read analogue watches properly so you've gotta expect some problems with roman numerals, right?

Right. Yes. It's not because I suck at reading time. Of course it's not because of that pshhhh.

Okay I want to get back to my drawing. I am so so so so going to complete that music project man. 

Speaking of music, I finally got out my storyline for GenEd! Oh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh man sigh of relief but not really because deadline's next week oops so screwed. 

I feel like I sound high or something. But I didn't eat any chocolates. 

OOPS I mean't sweets. Why did I type that? 

I mean, yeah, I did down some chocolates. (SO FAT ugh). 

Who cares. Actually I do but pft who cares.

Okay bye to those stalkers who still stalk this. You have little life. 

Happy Lunar New Year! 

FML

I don't know if its because of my mood swings that I'm feeling so frustrated now but I'm pretty sure its a contributing factor.

Having to shuffle in between houses every now and then makes me feel a little annoyed and unhappy already. I really really hate it. No one should have to do that.

Moreover, I've been hearing that from my mom since young. "Those poor kids have to shuffle from house to house, so terrible. When parents divorce, its always the kids who suffer."

Yet years later I've joined the group of 'poor things' who have to shuffle time between both parents since one is no longer a constant in their life.

I don't want to say FML MY LIFE SUCKS I HATE MY LIFE because right now, its not as bad as it could have been. I want to appreciate that my mom is still alive and well, I want to be thankful my dad still loves and cares for us.

Yet at times like this when I get so frustrated, my whole mind just screams how much life sucks. Get so torn between the two feelings you know?

Half of me knows that if I smile and tell myself everything is fine, if I smile then I'll feel better, and.the other half just wants to wallow in self-pity.

When oh when will I learn not to leave my projects to the last minute

Seriously?

First.

Some classmate (M---) said he could sell his kidney for 700k and 'any offers?' On twitter.

I mean its probably a 'just saying' thing but ugh -.-

Is he accepting installments? Because even if its his, if it matches my mom then Hell yes I want it. Its like, people need that kidney. And you're thinking of the 700k? You think leave yourself one kidney is okay? HAH. That soccer fanatic probably doesn't know that he can't play soccer much anymore with just one kidney. Jeez.

And ugh that 'donation' thing. I mean, those tin boxes one I think is okay. At least if I want to donate $2 or $0.20, its completely my choice. Because that's how donations should be, voluntary and from the heart.

Not some random guilt trip you pull on people as their walking down the street with food in their hands or something. 'Just ten dollars only.'

I'm sorry my dear but in case you haven't noticed, which you did because you pointed it out to me, I am a student. I do not have a fixed income. I live on an allowance which grows smaller with inflation. As much as I am considered more well off than those you are trying to ... help, I cannot afford to fork out $10 as if it were $0.10 to buy a dubious looking voucher.

There is no choice to donate a dollar or something. 'Must be $10.'

Charity is voluntary! If I'm not volunteering, don't guilt trip me or force me to donate more than i want to or can! Honestly.

Plus. I am not going to donate money just to have a percentage of it go to you as commission. Commission... for what? Running around selling vouchers? Its like doing sales under the righteous sounding name of charity. Those secondary school girls are giving their morning to help the needy for free. That is called charity.

The vouchers? I call that sales.

Yeah yeah say I'm wrong or whatever. Charity is a choice. So quit guilt-tripping.

That squirrel looks familiar ...

Well it's not a squirrel exactly. 

This year's birthday feels strangely similar to the one I had back in sec 2 or 3, only kind of a little more sad. 

That year, the only thing I remember doing was playing my computer games home alone while waiting for dinner. I felt pretty miserable that year, "What a lousy birthday." 

Well I had a nice dinner out anyway. 

This year? Well.. I'm home alone as usual but since I'm trying to stay off from games until the holidays, I decided bake instead. But since bread has to rise (-.-), I'm reading manga while waiting sigh.

It feels sad because I can't celebrate with my mom on the actual day itself, although dinner the other night was pretty awesome. At least I had a cake and candles to blow out too. The 'Happy Birthday' sign caught on fire halfway through heh heh heh. 

Nope, no song. Anyway. 

Usually the first person who wishes me past midnight are people closest to me, like my gal friends. This year ... was actually kinda funny now that I think of it. Mark called me while I was sleeping around 1225am and wished me before hanging up. Only I remember it as more like a dream since I was half awake and muttering who knows what into the phone. 

Well it's nice to know my friends still remember. My class definitely didn't remember. Which is kind of sad, but whatever. I wasn't expecting much from them. The time of celebrate everyone's birthday! is looong gone. No one cares to do anything anymore. 

Okay I sound whiny and ... I don't know what you call it. But hey, people want to feel special on the day they call their own and ... oh better check the dough. Oops I might have oiled it a bit too much. 

Okay enough. I want to read my manga. Bye! 

Will someone please respond ...

I do not want to stay up late tomorrow and rush out my economics project. 

We were like 3 quarters done before school reopened but now I'm just, "Where is the rest???" 

But is that the best part? 

Nooooooo.

What the hell is the point of Whatsapp groups for projects when no damn person replies. And I'm pretty sure my Whatsapp is working because I just receieved a message from the class group and was chatting just fine with Bao Xin earlier. 

Goddamn it it's Sunday and it's already 10pm plus! I'm pretty sure whoever has work has already knocked off and whoever has been busy should be free now. 

I posted in two groups. TWO. 

Seriously. For fudge's sake. 

Yoga breathing... however that goes. 

Since 3 effing pm. And I don't want to stay up late tonight. Hello, 8am class. I need my sleep. 

Ugh screw this.

See? Li Shan just replied me. My phone is working perfectly fine.

Balls. 

Ahh a seat

Yeah just got a seat (oh yeah outram park people)  which is like great because my back was starting to ache again.

I should really just hold my laptop.

Hmm.

Nah who cares its more convienient this way!

Anyway. We were all obsessing over Adeline's (sadly) Chinese book on uh... well... what do you call it? Blood type personality whatever etc.

So according to the translations I heard from my resident Chinese geniuses, type As are nice, caring perfectionists and type Bs are the happy, forever late (ahem sounds like someone who's always denying this) and.. hmm... can't remember. Basically the uh fun and kind of happy-go-lucky I guess.

Then the ABs (no not abs) apparently have the most faults wow okay.

And lastly the majority type Os are (sigh) pragmatic and realistic people. With bad sleeping and eating habits.

And there was this horoscope mix with blood type page for compatibility thing that was like pretty funny because me and Eva were looking at blood type Os and for with ABs, a good four rows were no not good never ever.

Even more somewhat (note, somewhat) sadly was since my date is in the middle of 2 signs, I have to look at both (so much work ugh) and hm well.

Lets just say if I follow the whole zodiac reading logic thingy, then the best match is no match.

Oh, reaching kallang! That was fast. Okay signing off then!

Common blood common surname.

Yan Er.

Yeah right CCA

Isn't it amazing how ccas can influence you.

For example. Thanks to my cca I'm in an extremely foul mood this morning.

Screw you.

I literally walked out of the house thinking, 'I hate everyone in life.'

Seriously even if you mean well, don't remind me that I have cca today because I hate my cca.

As usual of course.

So sadly. Thanks adam for ruining my morning with that bloody reminder. Although you probably mean well.

Ughh what the hellllll. I really want to quit.

Although that might just be me being lazy. Nahh surely not because I'm the most un-lazy person ever.

Hardworking* yes. I totally meant to use that.

Such bullshit. Obviously I'm lazy to train. Its not fun at all!

Swimming on the other hand ~ so much more awesome right!

I can hear all the shouts of agreement already. Of course swimming rocks thank you.

LOL. This is getting nowhere. At least the thought of swimming cheered me up!

Literally pain in the back

Honestly.

Is my bag too heavy or am I not used to standing straight?

So annoying. Lower back is aching again. And there I was thinking that it was gone for good since I'm no longer lugging those ridiculously heavy textbooks to school.

And I'm standing in the Mrt now. damn it.

You see? That's why take care of your precious back. Otherwise get old before your time.

Ugh.

Only 12 more stops to go.

2013

 2013 is finally coming to an end, and actually I'm not ready for it to end but sadly mother nature doesn't listen to me. 

Like when I'm swimming. Purposely must keep calling me when I want to swim. Do you know how troublesome it is? Swimming and thinking "IneedapeeIneedapee." 

Anyway. It's the last.. hour and a half (?) of 2013 and well I'm sitting at my table full from my hotpot (hurhur) and doing what I love/enjoy the most; drawing.

In any case, because I'm blogging just for the sake 'It's last day of 2013!!', and also because I want to go back to designing the clothes for my original character, I'll keep this so-called 2013 reflection thing short and sweet. 

It's been really fun! 

Cheers! 

YanEr

PS. See you next year lol. 

PPS/PPSS/PSS. Told you it was going to be a short reflection. 

Flashbacks

I can't remember which year it was, probably sec 1 to 3 I guess.

The girl guides were, as usual, serving food on speech day. Or was it cca commendation? Well, either way its the same.

Obviously on either occasions none of us were very happy about serving food. We'd just marched the whole parade thingy on speech day and you want us to rush to the canteen to set up while the rest gets to relax? And what about cca commendation day? Get dressed in the whole full gear just to serve people.

Looking back now, it was actually really fun bitching about having to lug the uniform and boots to school, and also setting up and all that. But anyway.

For some reason, I was always posted to the so called VIP table. I used to hate the idea of it. But come to think of it, it was probably the most entertaining Booth out of them all!

And by entertaining, I really mean most troublesome.

The teacher there I swear would like breathe down our necks every other minute to ensure we fatten up her colleagues.

"Fill up their plates when it's empty!"

"Arrange the food nicely!"

"Help them fill up the water!"

"Clear the plates for them!"

Sheesh! On that day, the teachers had their own set of waitresses decked out in full guides uniform. They were all like "wow such great service!"

Why yes thank you because I was the only one running around filling up their cups (would like more water sir?) since one of my dear partners ran off to slack somewhere.
But really, it was fun! Guessing when they needed refills and all was quite fun. By the end of the day sarah and I declared we could work as waitresses.

Of course we can't but hey sense of achievement! 

Okay bye!

PS KOKIA ROCKS.

Walk straight

Those were the exact words my cousin gave me as directions to my grandma's place.

Not surprisingly, I got lost. So basically right now, I'm standing in front of macpherson secondary waiting for my mother to get me.

You'd think that directions as simple as that would do the job, I mean, how hard is that!

Just walk straight darn it!

I guess that just goes to show how little a sense of.direction I possess. Sigh.

Oh there they are! Well time to go.

I walked straight all right, to the wrong place.

Bye!