Tsk this family ah

Fucked up leh you know?

Excuse the language I guess 😒

Xian qi the daughter never see msg cannot video call. For once I try be good and tell Jie talk to dad cos he probably misses you.

Seeing that he favours her more and all right? Makes sense right?

But nooo we both ready to set up for him and he's too lazy to get up and see the daughter he hasn't seen for the past month or so.

Riiiight. So... All he wanted was to show her face to ah mah? For? Are we on good terms with her? Seems like everyone but her knows that that's nowhere near the truth.

Well. You have parents who can't let go of their apron strings, parents who only want to let go of one string, and parents who just can't wait to let them go.

Okay I apologise for the language earlier. As a daughter I shouldn't be so crude describing my family. 

But of course I'm annoyed. Sigh. Okay. Bye.

Before I go off for dinner

I really need to get this off my chest.

It's really saddening. But I shouldn't despair just yet.

Yet, knowing that something like that may sometime in the future hurt everything, it's kinda frustrating.

Unyielding.

Not that it can be anything else.

Like that how? It's so hard. 

Reality again

It's so depressing cos I had so much fun ever overseas in Japan but now I'm back in hazy singapore and damn the caffeine crash is real

See all the project reminders like freaking sian plus I gained weight from overseas like zzz and the worst part is I can't go swim or run to work it off or feel better because of the stupid haze like walao I feel damn fat now lor tsk the trip back to reality us so bad and it's hitting so hard and I'm just really sad now

Oh my goodness what is going on

Why suddenly my life got so much dramarama.

GET A GRIP EVERYONE WE CAN PULL THOUGH LIFE TOGETHER

Why!

Ya like why other girls wear shirt and shorts they still look so feminine and cute and stuff but I wear shirt and shorts it's just lupsup I don't get it

Step deep (warning it's really step one)

As the lids fall shut and the world turns dark, I heave a sigh and submit myself to the swirling currents of my thoughts.

As sleep creeps closer and reaches out to me, will the currents slow and still itself, or drown and consume me?

As dreams are woven by sleep herself, will she choose to line it with silver and gold, and present me an offering of a peaceful night, or will she line it with coal, dark and coarse, rough and unforgiving to torment my wearied mind and deprive it of a good night's rest. 

As day breaks and the sun rises, the waters turn calm and still. Gone are the torrential waves that seek to occupy and consume the mind, gone is sleep, whatever mischief she was up to before, gone is the cold darkness and come light once more.

Yet beneath the surface of the deep blue sea, not too far, merely a hand's reach, there lie the thoughts lurking quietly, biding it's time until night falls once more.

Tell you step deep already. I clap for myself, wah so deep also can post. Thick skin level max 1000 hahahaha. Goodnight everyone ~

Yan Er

Only reason why I'm here is because Internet is down and I'm so damn bored

Exactly as it says above. Freaking Internet. I want my guild wars!

So right now I'm just like staring and stoning into space.

Stoone.

Staare.

I'm really confused.

Sooo confused about everythinggg.

If only I could have those wings I've dreamt of having for years and just fly off somewhere.

Screw all the troubles and worries and mumble jumble.

I don't even know what to think.

Or is it just mood swings, idk man haha.

What to do, what to do?

Well.

What can I say? Awkward moment there.

Having issues part 2 because part 1 too long already

But hey having issues in more ways than  1. Like my internet connectivity. Got problem sia. Hope it's not the bill thing. Anyway. Part 2 right?

And gosh while it's incredibly stupid for me to hope no one sees this when I'm posting it on the world wide web, I still kinda y'know, hope. A bit sensitive you see. 

Anyway. I know that when someone shows you (very happily and excitedly may I add) something they really like or believe in, I'm supposed to listen to the best of my abilities because it matters so much to them.

But man. It's so terribly mean to say this but. Okay. Let's just say. That in a certain Holy ground I will definitely, most definitely a hundred percent fall asleep because well. Yeah.

And it's so horrible of me gosh like I'm so sorry man. And goodness knows I'm not known for my patience, ever.

And (lots of Ands today) while I did try, it was a terrible effort.

Yet at the same time. Part of me was just so uncomfortable. I don't even know why. But it was so uncomfortable. I just didn't know how to respond to it. It's like if someone shows you their drawings, you know the polite response even if you're not interested would be to at least glance at it and pay a small compliment like 'Oh, that's really nice.'

Or like if someone is going on about how great Bach and his music is. You kinda like nod and go along? 'Yeah Yeah, I see. Oh, does it really? I'm completely tone deaf, I guess he must be really great though.'

Polite interest.

But like. What do I do here? Sure, in a better mood I can do most of what I just described. But if they look at you waiting for a response, what am I supposed to say? Something so sensitive like that, seriously the only honest thing I can say without fearing it being offensive is admitting I have no idea what in the world the other person is talking about.

Which.. Did I? I don't remember.

I'm a horrible person and but I guess I deserve this cos it feels like karma is coming after me with a vengeance.

How is this going to work man? I don't get it. I really don't. I don't fault the logic behind it but...  I really don't know what to say.

I hope it works out. I really do. 

Having issues

Always got problems one so what to do? It's like karma coming to bite me in the ass sometimes.

First thing is like.

Eh. Why my guild wars cannot load. No oooo I want to play leh can load anot pleaase. Sigh anyway.

First thing is like you know that realisation that you're so freaking average in life. Like oh everyone has something they can do well in. Some people can game well, some people can sports well (you get what I mean la) some people can art well, cook well, music well, smart well, all the damn talents everywhere.

Then you take a look at yourself.

Wah this guild wars testing my patience. Shall restart comp. Orr. Heh. Orr. Or I could play Sims. Hmm. Okay. Let's load Sims.

Yeah back to looking at myself. Can't game. Enjoy game but honestly suck at it and don't know what I'm doing half the time it's embarrassing. Can't sports well. Just look at... My WiFi signal... Is having issues...  Ugh.

No no that's not what I want you to look at. Although just look at it! Not working.

Anyway. Yeah just look at my cca. Worst player, slowest runner, weakest player, slowest reaction, least improved. It's embarrassing. I love playing it but let's face it, I'm not good enough. Ever.

Then we have art. Yeah people say I can art well. Drawing I guess. But out there, it's mediocre at best. On an average, I guess it's better than nothing.

Music? Sure I can play. But talent? Nope nothing there. Play by ear? Sorry only one hand which is... Pathetic cos what's the point. Express feelings and crap? My music is monotonous. Like my life actually haha.

Yeah and people say I smart well. But social media tells you good grades doesn't mean you're smart, means you're obedient, slave to school system, memory machine. Means you're dumb but happens the system that tests if you're smart or not fits you. Yeah I know, not creative or street smart or anything.

Okay yeah y'all probably thinking, this girl putting herself down on purpose, you have good grades and you complaining? What's your issue?! You can draw and you can play the piano? I can't even do that etc etc.  (I know cos that's exactly what I would think)

Oh my God it's really not connecting I really want my guild wars!

Then why am I doing this? I just feel so inadequate, so average. Like, I'm not good at anything.  Yeah Yeah practice more, try harder etc etc. Maybe I'm really just not trying hard enough.

Wah type so long already but I actually still have something else to talk about. Let's split this into 2.