Motivation..?

Ridiculous insecurities aside, god this really is the month of 心事 isn't it?

I miss the little excitement I used to feel from even the smallest things. Walking in the sunshine, the touch the rain scented wind upon my face at 6am in the morning, blasting music and sketching furiously or plonking off tune piano keys repeatedly until a semblance of melody forms. Where did all these go?

My mind is blank. I can't draw. There's no inspiration or excitement to bring an image to life because there's none anymore. And the older I get, the worse it feels. No matter how many years I work at it, it's still not good. It's not excitement anymore, it's discontentment and disappointment.

What about that stubborn insistence that got me through music scores I never thought I'd finish? Did I just get lazy?

Why is my email not loading hello. Horrible.

But its okay. I'm slowly coming to accept that I will forever suck at all these. And that my work comp will never load my email @£#(=_%@+_#£!. But maybe if I try a little everyday again, I'll regain that little love and excitement for my art. If I explore more books and stop being so lazy to watch some actual shows (read: not tea/drama channels), I'll get that those little cogwheels turning again.

Plus, I have the violin now, so I really should practice.

Okay! Enough with the sombre and sulky attitude Er. You're just sulking because you've gotten so lazy good goddess. Tsk.

Back to work ~