Waiting

While waiting for the water to heat up so I don't have to freeze while bathing, I thought I'd just come and reflect or whatever a little. 

I guess I knew it all along inside, just that I thought if I stayed oblivious to it, it'd go away. Seems like I was wrong, sadly. After so long, I finally managed to admit to myself, "I'm really like my father." 

It kind of hurts to know that I take after him so much. But.. I guess I have to come to terms with it eventually. I'm like him, not just in looks (according to some anyway) but in behavior. And that sucks so much to me. 

I may sound so unfilial (or how you spell it), but that's really how I feel. Well, for this aspect, anyway. I'll just suck in my pride and say this. I can't handle confrontations well. Just like him. 

It just dawned on me that I can't handle and avoid confrontations when my sister told me to shove that stupid eye cleaning bottle in his face and tell him to give it back to her or we throw it away. 

I mean, yeah, I was annoyed when I saw it that morning, but when the time came for me to throw it back to him, all the rage just melted away and I could hardly bring myself to yell at him. I felt guilty and bad. 

Guilt. The bane of my life. 

I got scared of what might happen and considered the chicken way out, just leaving it alone. The only thing was that if I didn't tell him straight not to let this happen again, my sister would and well, I don't want to bother her with his... with him. Her rage is unstoppable. 

Well, thankfully, his reply was annoying enough for my voice to sound just a little nastier than usual to drive home my point. Thing is, I feel better about confronting people when I'm super angry. Otherwise, I'd rather not. Is that a bad thing? I have no idea. 

Telling me to just leave that stupid packet in the toilet. How dare he. She should just bring it home and keep it with her, this isn't her house nor will it ever be. How dare she conveniently forget her stuff in my toilet. And mind, a toilet is a very private place. Stepping into our territory, how dare she. 

With the rage building inside me now, I can just imagine going up to her the next time she comes and telling to "Please stop leaving your stuff in my toilet". 

But knowing me, when the time comes, the rage will just die down and like the weak person I am, I'll slink back into my room and avoid, because I'm driven by fear just like that. 

I have to change. Who knows? One day, it might be me being kicked out of home instead.