Today!

Long time no blog here now HAHA.
So. What was I going to say? Hmm.. 
UGH my feet hurts T.T Cold weather + walk around SO MUCH = Feet pain =/ 
But what was it I wanted to say ? ><" 
Think think think think think ... 
Okay so here's one ... Like, I realised quite recently, I've been quite quick tempered and all that and MAN I didn't know that my friends found it a tad bit scary! Like, I blow up at .. small matters? >< I don't know why =/ But yeah! 
First the kinda 'self-pitying' people who think they have no friends for goodness sake WHEN THEY ACTUALLY DO OH GOD. 
See what I mean?!?! 
Okay deep breath girl. 
On one hand, it kind of reminds me of myself pitying myself a while ago. Like oh I have no picture perfect family, oh no one cares about me ETC ETC. 
Which honestly really just makes me feel downright SICK thinking about how pathetic I was then. 
Like, suck it up and move on girl! was totally what I should have done instead of playing the 'helpless Hannah' role type of thing.
Wait what was I talking about .. 
OHH okay. So it totally reminded me of ME and I was thinking 'oh man they are SO going to regret this pathetic moment of life so they should TOTALLY hurry and MOVE ON or something and BE HAPPY again!' 
Uh .. drawback to this plan is, I totally cannot be compassionate or sound caring at all!! 
It's kinda hard to when you're annoyed that everyday they're emoing and not really doing much to help themselves. I mean yeah it's hard, life ain't a WALK IN THE PARK YEAH I KNOW but come on! At least try to distract yourself or something! I don't know! 
I mean, no offence intended anywhere here! It's just my patience is extremely little and I'm trying to help too but eh I have my own problems and sometimes I'm just too wrapped up in mine to help with yours! 
Anddd another really selfish reason, no denying there is that sometimes, I'm just enjoying myself, like feeling problem-free and all that and .. your problem comes to haunt me like my own.. 
GOD I'M EMBARRASSED TO SAY THAT. 
Yeah I am such a good friend =/ 
I'll just admit it, I'm not a very good friend! =/
T.T Feet pain sniff. LOL. 
Okay I wanted to talk about how me and Vk walked from outram park to chinatown but I ended up complaining again. BIIGG surprise ><"
Another time then! 
Cheers! \(^-^)/

At the mall~

So, today I was walking around the mall, looking at the stalls from the hokkaido fair when I realised it. THERE WAS WIND IN THE MALL o.o 

Okay, kind of slow but hey! I'm just that slow person =P 

Anyway I was wondering, why is my fringe blowing away from my face? And ever so slowly my brain processed it as wind. Well it took me a few moments to understand that being in a mall, wind of that sort is non- existent.  

I'm not talking about those 'small-scale'/light breezes, I'm talking about those blowing wind that doesn't die down, with cool air!!!  That is definitely and positively rare in this damn hot country. Man! 

Well, not saying it was not welcomed, no no, it was the best wind ever! 

Just that it took me too long to realise it >< 

Okay, got my Chinese O level oral tomorrow, shall continue practicing my mother tongue! =/

All the best to me! 

Cheers and rock on~

\(^-^)/

Yan Er

Chinese!!

Well this is it.
First O level ; Chinese!!
Man I'm damn nervous! Yesterday all I did was play LoL with my jie and.. Well.. Read through some phrases for Chinese and that's it. Slack much?
Just gotta keep telling myself I can do it! I went for all but one of the Chinese intensive classes so I'm sure I improved a little. I hope. ><
Oh man this is nerve wreaking !!!
Took fluff out yesterday and for the first time let her run a little without the leash :P
Oh well gotta run!! Wish me luck :P

Oh well.

Just finished stalking again. And while you might think its really creepy or whatever, well let's just say its on the internet. Its the most public place ever. Besides, I wouldn't have known about how so many of my friends ' mask ' themselves.
Okay so that's common sense. I mean, even I do it sometimes. But all the time? That's just sad. Or maybe I'm the sad one, keeping home problems separate from my school life so I wouldn't have to fake a mask, wouldn't have to feel miserable and still 'smile for the world!' hm I don't know. It works, kinda. I mean, why force yourself to be so miserable just to please the people around you, people who aren't going to be in your life for long? Please. Don't we all live
For ourselves? Isn't that the way it should be?
' on the verge of breaking down in school. ' I guess things must have been quite bad and yeah I shouldn't judge. Oh well.
Okay so I realize there isn't any point to these cynical ish comments. Hm. Oh I was wondering. I wonder how does it feel like to be on the verge of breaking down? Wouldn't it be better to just let it all out , or is it just a much much worse case of that? Hm
Recently, after hearing more and more about the family crap, I had this ' need to tell someone! ' feeling and it was SO bad. But oh, there wasn't anyone who could understand. And after all that with *him I realized I sort of lost the ability to confide things like that to people. Huh. Thanks for screwing my life up.
Anyway. The feeling, the frustration just kept building up and dear god up till now I still haven't released the build up yet. Probably doesn't sound serious here. Hm. Not sure how this sounds but I'm dealing with it myself, sucking it up and moving on.
Or maybe, I just pushed it one side and am living in denial again, waiting for it to slap me in the face first chance reality gets.
At this complete loss of what to do. I'm starting to appreciate what I have now little by little. Sigh only time will tell, eh?

Life right now

Supposed to be studying now but failing badly. Looks like I'm going to disappoint everyone who believed in me.
It's so tiring these days. Sometimes no matter what, I just feel so alone in this world. Yeah, the feeling has lessened but it feels like I'm just living to be living. Keeping every single thing inside . Sometimes it's so difficult to say what I want to but oh well, suck it up and move on.
Cried my heart out to my mom yesterday when I saw her. Yeah the heat made me frustrated but more than anything I just wanted my mom again. Is it too much to ask for? Well apparently it is. " you're 16, it's time you looked after yourself. Etc etc" already it annoys me at times that I have to grow up faster than what I'd like to ( selfish yes ) but I can't help missing the mom I used to have.
Guess I should be grateful for what I have. Even so.. Sigh. I tell people I'm tired but in actual fact, I don't know why.
Life's getting hard. I'm getting beat by one classmate by another. Looks like its time to leave feeling 'tired' for another time and buck up again.

Tiredd

Superrr tired now! 
Today was like a waste of time =/ Got selected for some PISA thingy and practically skipped school for it -.-
AND MY PE!!!! =((
KK I just came here to extra hahaha! 
Hopefully Friday can watch hunger games!! =D 

Cheers and rock on ~

Rainn

Today was kinda fun! =D 
Considering it was, well. A school day. -.-  At least the song 'Friday' didn't play in my head this morning! xD
Anywayy. 
PE was like the best lesson ever~ xDD Tennis and all heh. Practiced and practiced under the hot sun, running after that pink sponge ball over and over again but ... it was fun =))
Then was math which wasn't too bad, other than the stink of the classroom >< 
Well after school ended, there was this really really HEAVY downpour and we all stupidly wanted to run to EHub from school. 
Me and Aaron tried sharing an umbrella with Christopher but it was barely big enough for two, let alone three people! Naturally we all got wet =P. Even when it was just me and Christopher sharing the umbrella, we were drenched like mad =/. ( Later I found out he was trying to give me most of the shelter as I was trying to with me, that's why we both ended up soaked! ) 
It was funny seeing all the guys yelling at each other for their wet uniforms. XP Happily, I was in my PE shirt ^^  Comfort much! =D 
Okay, random stuff from today ~

Monsoon drain water brown after heavy rain =o

Black line over there's the ... water lizard thingy!

Pavement flooded with a lil' bit of water~

Well? =P 
Cheers and rock on \(^-^)/ 
Yannie ( LOL ) 

Late Night Random-ness LOL

Kk so I was like emo-ing just now over god-knows-what. But it's over! ~~
So moral of today ! LOL. Don't expect too much from others, it'll only disappoint you more when they don't do what you expect them to =/
OKAY It's a lousy moral, I know, I know >< But really! That's kinda what my aunt said. Something like .. OH SCREW THIS COMPUTER.
WAIT.
As you can see. This moody computer is randomly changing my font and color and size! Hello, rude much?! 
Okay anyways.
She said most of the time we get/feel hurt by people is because of what we expect them to do. Like oh I treat you like a best pal or whatever and I expect you to treat me like one too, and when that person doesn't you feel really upset. OR something like that. 
I mean, I guess it's normal. Really. To expect things of people. But sometimes when you feel really betrayed by someone just because you expected something of them.. really makes you sit back and think again. 
Or at least, I do.
I mean it's kinda a small thing, but I really felt angry and hurt. And! It disturbed my sleep. ( Reason why I slept in the morning yesterday during class >< ) 
Like, I entrusted this secret to someone, it was really really important to me and I specifically said that I didn't want so&so so know it. 
Well I guess I've got to give you credit for keeping it a secret for as long as you did. 
But in the end? You still told her! And my life feels ANNOYED and SCREWED UP thanks to your leakage. 
THANKS ALOT. Really.
Remind me not to trust you ever again. Sorry, but I have to protect myself. 
I'm sick and tired of being made use of by people OVER and OVER again who just ditch me after they get who they really wanted to 'keep them company' and all that. 
Sick and tired of trying to be nice to everyone who just don't bother doing the same to me.
I don't think I deserve to be treated like ( SCREW THIS COMP ) crap after how much I tried to help and be nice to you.
I don't think I deserve to get that shitty reply you gave me when I just wanted a little bit of company after I sat and listened to every single thing you had to complain about, every bit of grievances you had in your life. Just one small little thing. Is it that hard to be thankful and show some gratitude?
I don't expect anyone to do the same for me anymore. That's just really unrealistic. But a bit, a bit of appreciation would be ... appreciated! Respect and treat me like a friend, not a servant or a replacement or a stand in or something! I'm human too. 
 OKAYY this turned out to be a really LONG and BORING complain session. Shall just sign off then! 
Peace out yo
Cheers and rock on! \(^-^)/ 
-Me- 

 Drawing by me! ~
Supposed Hatsune Miku ><

....

I should just throw my phone away and stop waiting for the impossible, for something that will never ever come.

You told me to try, to talk to others, to hang out with more people so I wouldn't feel lonely, wouldn't feel alone. I tried and for a while, I foolishly felt like I finally had a place somewhere, like I found some new friends. But no, just all a lie. Just fake. Pretending to welcome me only with your smiles but not in your hearts.

alone again. More isolated than ever. Eating is a joy but eating alone all the time just becomes something to fill up the spaces of those who should be there eating with you.

Man I'm hardly this... Annoying, but really, I have no life at all.

Woahh

Woahh. 
So I just realised that.. I can insert pictures! 
Okays that is like damn slow.. but anyway! As you can see --> 
yeah? My mood's like that now =P
That's my dog by the way! She's sooooo adorable! XP  
Now I can put pictures, yay! Time to start spamming the ipod. HEH. 

 Nice? HAHA. I don't even remember where this is. Just some overhead bridge that I passed by with Gen that day when we decided to take bus 21 to as far as possible. I wonder what I used to edit the photo....

Well I'm just putting random stuff here now, things that appeal to me, heh. 
Sam and me in China on some boat ride .. It was hard to take this picture! Bad lighting and all that >< 

We-ell. 
One of the lunches in China. Mostly people from my class! Became quite good friends with one or two of them after the trip ^^ I love such bonding HAHA. 
And as you can see, we didn't finish the food heh =P It was hard to! In fact, we never did =o I swear everyone lost weight after that trip! 
Okay, I shall do a bit of stalking before hitting the hay. 
Nighhts!

Sighhh

People, seriously? 
What's everyone's ( including me ) problem recently! 
OKAY fine, maybe it's just today. 
Sigh I hate seeing her like this. Their her friends! Support, not reject! 
Geez. 
I know it sucks seeing one of the clique go off with others, kinda like a betrayal. But her heart was always with you guys, she loves and cares for you guys so much, don't stress her like this! 
We'll back off, it that's what you want. Stop stealing her. 
GEEZZ. 
I guess it's like a test of friendship then, every clique needs it. 
Cheer up Kez, it'll be fine. They mean well, everything will be all right. 

Hell YEAH

Dear people. 
I will never ever put light colors for the fonts EVER again. 
Thank GOD I didn't blog so much! Otherwise, imagine how much I would have to change ... 
So, anyway. 
As you can see! It's a new skin YEY. 
Been looking for one for MONTHS.
And I'm going to stay satisfied with this one! =)) 
While changing font colors, I skimmed through my old posts and MAN OH MAN. Am I glad to have grown up! 
No, really. It's like ... HUGE difference! Can't believe I sounded so .. childish =/ 
OKAY FINE. Not that I'm that  mature now, but at least there's a difference! 
Seeing all that made me realise time has really passed. Years with me barely realising it. Just then I was, what? 10 and complaining about a b*tch and six years later I'm still here ... only I know better than to complain too much online =P 
Oh, nooo~. Those are reserved for the super awesome diary of mine! ^^
( Only if I feel hardworking enough though ) 
Anyways. Recently, I've come to appreciate the whole 'be yourself' thing. 
I don't have to act like them ( no one in particular, just 'them like the popular gals or something ) ( okay I lied, I am referring to someone/people). 
Ahem anyways. 
I don't have to be like them to be happy. All they're doing is getting attention which I don't want. Then comes the question why did I even consider being like them? 
Jealousy maybe. 
But well.. Let's just say I've seen the light. 
I am who I am, take it or leave it. I try my best not to be fake in anyway. Not to act just to get attention. 
And, like my mom said. She didn't raise her daughters to run around in public hitting boys ( there goes my days of whacking them ) 
But it's nice treating them as humans and not enemies for once. They have feelings too. 
OKAY OFF TOPIC. 
Hm. OH the hunger games book ONE is nice. The rest ain't so good. 
Okay okay, I'm thirsty and that 100plus in the fridge is calling my name. 
Just remember; everyone has their own set of problems which is as hard for them as yours is for you. Don't judge. 
That's my reminder. 
BTW TINTIN RAWKS! XD 
OKOKOK
Byee~
Cheers and rock on! 
 
 

You know what ? I'm just gonna tell her that. Take my advice and don't listen to me. 

Yeah, I should. But since the blog's.. non-commentable, I think I'll just write a note and give her tomorrow.. as discreetly and possible, hm. 

BTW. LOL How could I forget. 

People are making a fuss over Valentine's Day. LOL 

No offence people. 

But.. To be honest, I had totally forgotten about it. Heh. 

Forever alone LOL. 

Hey wait, I wonder if I've mentioned this before...

Hm =/. 

Oh well, off to prepare for damn school tomorrow! 

Till then~