Dinner

Since I have time while waiting for the heater to warm up the water, I shall entertain myself by typing down my thoughts of today. 

Which did not start out that well. Woke up at 7.38am because the sun started shining on my head which gave me this massive headache and pissed me so badly but I decided to try and ignore it and go back to sleep; which kind of worked but my Whatsapp started beeping and I just yanked it out of the plug to read the message before proceeding to 'scold' Valerie for waking up so early and telling her to "go back to sleep". 

I thought I'd just wait for the alarm in my phone to ring before I really get up but it wasn't exactly a good choice because hearing that irritating alarm is just... moodkill. But I got up anyway! 

Took my time getting to school to meet my DBE group for some project stuff which was kinda fun I guess, even though I was internally cursing for most of it for existing. At least we got it out of the way by lunchtime! 

Which reminds me. Of something mildly embarrassing. 

Seriously, does my head really nod left and right when I sleep on the train?? I actually thought I was doing quite well on the way home today. I hugged my bag and just rested my head on it because well, in theory (or something), you won't lean left or right when you're hugging something on your lap right.

Apparently not ... 

Ugh. Both Ryan and Bryan said that I still leaned on well yeah when sleeping. But! I was half conscious, pretty sure of that! So how could I not know! I thought I was doing well in sleeping properly. 

Guess not.

Anyway, met up with Val, Adam and the two of them for dinner at Bedok after that. Felt completely lost there, like it was probably the first time I tapped out at Tanah Merah MRT station. 

Dinner was super fun! We just kept talking and sharing stuff, mostly about well crushes and all that and ... wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be when it came to my turn to share. Even so, their response was about the same as what the guys in secondary school have been saying about me; heartless. 

I am no longer surprised by it. In fact, I would call myself that too! The more I talked about it, the more I realised just how mean I was to them. In my defense, it was my way of nipping it in the bud. Oh well. 

Halfway while sharing mine, they passed a comment about me being competitive in studies which .. I admit, is true. Sometimes, it sounds like a bad thing because getting good grades but not up to my standard makes me sound like an arrogant(?) and annoying person. So it kinda got me thinking where did that competitiveness stem from? 

Hm. I wonder. 

I guess you could say the moment I started getting good grades in secondary 1, it felt good and after that it kind of became something people expected from me. It was horrible just imagining the disappointment of the people at home who were already beginning to brand me as the smart one and expecting like top in class results kind of thing. Honestly in upper sec, I studied like mad mainly because I was afraid to disappoint my mom, even though not once did she push me to score well. 

And ugh, the pathetic part. All that inferiority issues which I honestly really just ugh. I mean, those girls had like everything. Well not really, but it seemed like it! Looks, friends(yes I have few), athletic ability and stuff, seemed like grades was my the only thing I could feel sure of myself, the only bit of pride? I don't know. 

Well, that's that. Yeah the last part sounds a bit sob story. Ugh. But hey, skip it if it's too disgusting. 

Okay overall, awesome day. It's really one of those days that I can really think back and remember, It was a really great day! 

Goodnight, or morning if you want to be so time conscious!

Cheers!