Laughing at yourself

Archie Comic's once told me (haha this sounds ridiculous) that laughing at yourself makes you a better person. 

Obviously in that story it didn't exactly turn out as it probably should have, so honestly I don't really know how laughing at yourself makes you a better person.

Anyway, I thought of this because right now I'm having a drawing block, which sucks because my pencils and inks are like all in front of me screaming DRAW NOW but I have absolutely no inspiration. 

I managed to find this file of old drawings, like primary school old drawings so that makes it... at least 5 years back? Well moving on. I was looking for this (embarrassing much) old comic that I tried to draw out (I have tons of unfinished comics, sorry Kez) and my initial memory of it didn't really match what I saw. 

The general idea was right, I mean, I drew that crap, can't be too wrong about it. But the images and the super messed up flow of the story! Like oh, one moment the she's lying on the ground after being dropped from the air and the next panel, a really badly drawn 'magical' chest appears behind her out of nowhere. I mean, whaaaat???

Oh, and not to mention the major lack of backgrounds in that. Just really horribly drawn stuff that was so darn ridiculous I actually started laughing. At myself.

Makes me a better person harharhar. 

But really, that comic was horrible. 

Thankfully, the half-assed-never-seen-completion comics that followed that first attempt did see a tiny bit of improvement but GOD it is still so ridiculous and laughable!

Those pieces of paper will never ever see the light of day. 

Even my copy of Erza in a friggin' bunny suit(No thanks to Adam) isn't as embarrassing as those comics. 

Okay I am well and properly embarrassed now. So Bye!

Having passion

I've never really understood what 'having passion for etcetc' or 'do something you have a passion in,' really meant until today.

Yes yes very fast of me, I know.

As in, I get what it means but I don't understand what it feels like. How does it feel to have an undying passion for something?

Sure, when you have a passion for something, you like doing whatever it is. You really like it. Really really really really really really like it.

Hah! I'm stating the obvious now. But saying 'really like' just doesn't do the feeling of 'passion' justice.

I spent the whole of today except for about two hours, half of which was to clean the house and the other playing squash. And I don't know if I'm right or not but oh well.

I realized that I can sit and draw the whole damn day on one piece of paper (yes that's what I did) and not get bored but get more and more excited.

Hell, I laughed to myself while inking my drawings HAHA. And I can't wait to get back at it.

So anyway. Enlightenment came only when I realised that even though my drawings were like really hideous when young and still amateurish(at best) now, I'm still drawing and drawing and drawing.

I mean, look at squash. I gave up years ago after finding out how tiring and how much I sucked at it.

Actually I'm still not really sure what having a full on passion for something means but I'll just enjoy my drawings meanwhile.

Cheers!

-.-

I'm seriously damn frustrated.

And for once, its not because of training. Nope I had fun today even though my shots and everything still sucks.

Towards the end of training my sis told me my dad was going to pick me up so i was like oh okay sure save my card money.

Then moments later after I informed my mom that my training was over like she wanted, she asked me to have lunch with her.

Its not like I didn't want to eat with her, but my dad was already downstairs.

And I know she'll obviously be disappointed since that means she'll be alone but I don't know what to do! Either way I'll feel guilty and someone will be happy but that person won't be me.

What in the world am i supposed to do? 

End of exams HELL YEAH

My arm's tired from holding my phone up since I'm lying down and my legs are exhausted and aching but since I know I won't post this tomorrow, I shall do this now.

My exams and poly year 1 has (somewhat) officially ended!

And strangely, the same way (also somewhat) the way it started; at Fish and Co.

Anyway, after pizza lunch in school (dominoes rock), we went to Siloso Beach in Sentosa to play and first the guys played their rough rugby or something like that and the girls were playing volleyball. So gender segregated right. Halfway through Adeline's ball whacked my eye and my specs bent pretty badly. Oops.

But later we played the Ryan-game or whatever because it has no name so I'll call it that. Basically it involved a ball, some number calling and dodging. Damn you Ryan for throwing the balls so high but it was still really really fun anyway!

Later at night we played in the volleyball court and it was 'captain choose team' kind of thing and well as usual one of the last few to be picked but got into Ryan's team (out of pity or something but who cares, thanks for that like really) and whoa I actually managed to use what school taught in volleyball last time for service because I could serve! (And pretty much only that). Sadly no glasses so didn't see much.

And later. At the toilet. When BaoXin and I were showering. THE LIGHTS AUTO OFF OMG I ALMOST FREAKED OUT LIKE REALLY FREAK OUT. Damn those sensors. Cannot detect us moving meh! Pft.

Dinner at fish and Co then finally home whew.

Oh and thanks Ryan (again? This is weird.) For fixing my specs, its still like crooked and all but way better than before. Won't have to walk round squinting and everything.

Whew tired. I think i typed too much even thought i tried to summarize. Pics credit to the gals who took them!

Okay thats it goodnight. 

Flip phones

Right now I'm at the NATAS fair wishing like mad I have my flip phone back. With a touch screen.

Yeah its like being super greedy, "you can't have your cake and eat it too"  but noooo i want them both I love my pink flip phone I miss it so badly.

Although no, I don't miss its shitty storage space. What the hell? 1k messages in total. Although with whatsapp now it wouldn't really matter.

I miss hanging my charms on my phones. So old school, I know, but pft please. Old fashioned, cave woman, yup that's me HAHA.

I want my pink flip phone and pink charms back. Oh man I hope someone comes up with a phone that has both touch and flip features hohoho.

Bank recon update harhar

Because I got that question wrong damn it. This sure came back to me pretty fast.

My numbers are off by like, 25000.

You had one job.

Bank Recon

Since exams are in a few days, right now I'm just cramming as much revision in as possible. From the title its (somewhat) obvious that I'm doing accounting right now.

I was redoing this tutorial question on bank reconciliation and god I swear this company's accountant sucks.

The question had 8 bullet points telling me what needs to be adjusted etc and 5 of them is the bookkeeper's problem.

Didn't record

Write wrong number.... twice.

My cousin's voice just floated into my head while I was cursing this lousy bookkeeper out loud.

"You had one job." *insert dramatic eye roll.

I totally agree

It's the day of hearts fluttering down from ... wherever.

So. Valentine's day is finally over with. 

Oops. I mean finally here. But since it's past midnight, I guess the first sentence stands. 

ITS OVERRRR. 

Sigh, typical behaviour. 

In any case, I guess I did have fun today. 

First, class ended earlier at 2pm OH YEAH. 

Then, I played volleyball with the girls, which was way more fun since this time none of the guys were playing. Think I gave myself another blister though, whatever. 

And highlight of the day! Played pool at SPGG with Bryan RJ and Val. Obviously I sucked like hell. RJ carried me for the first game since everything I did missed haha. After that, Val and I played and man did I suck. 

Gave her like so many free balls and even shot one of hers in. Buuuut thanks to beginner's luck (hohoho) I somehow managed to get that last ball before she did. And that Bryan. So biased. Obviously supporting Val the whole way. Tsk. 
Of course I'm jealous LOL. No, not because of him ugh weird much, but because it was like the same when I played with my sec school friends. Everyone tried helping the other girl and left me to try by myself. Which surprise surprise was what happened today too. Of course it's not any of their fault, duh. Can't a girl be jealous-annoyed that she has to figure crap by herself all the time?

Okay a slight exaggeration but yeah whatever. It gets pretty .. well I don't know how to say, when others get extra help when here I am not getting shit either but no one is giving a damn even though we're equally clueless hello.

Anyway.

And oh! On the way home, I saw this really really pretty looking cloud! It had like cyan and light red and green!! And no, I am not colour blind or delusional. (You hear that Mark V. I am perfectly sane and un-drunk hahahaha) 

Cos my Uncle's house had no cold water. My only options were warm chrysanthemum tea or fruit beer. I tried both and the second one won. 

Anyway. I guess it wasn't that bad a day. Considering. (Screw SP's single awareness day. As if I'm not aware enough of my own relationship status psh)

And no, I am not wishing deep down inside oh how I wish I had a valentines blah blah blah. That's troublesome. What I'm wishing for is to play pool with Gen Chia again you hear me girl haha. 

It's just a weird unwanted feeling since my dad dropped me off in such a hurry, can't blame him since his girlfriend was probably waiting for him. Or me being the only kid there at the CNY dinner, boring much. 

OKAY ENOUGH PARTIAL RANTING. I shall turn in and let's hope the mosquito leaves me alone tonight. 

See, the only thing that really wants me, is the mosquito and I don't want it. Go figure, yeesh. Okay goodnight and Happy (now belated) Valentine's day y'all. 

Silence

It's happening again. 

I'm just walking with a group of friends to somewhere, and everyone is busy chatting away. 

Everyone but me. 

It's not as bad as last time but still, I'm pretty surprised to see it happen again. 

I mean, sometimes, I really just want to talk to someone or some person but honestly I have nothing to say. 

For example. I don't like going home alone but if it's just me and some other guy from class, excluding Adam since I know him quite well, I swear it's usually total silence the whole way. 

Obviously I start wondering if it's just me because well other girls don't seem to have any problems chatting away or something. 

Or sometimes I add something or a comment to a conversation and it just stops there. 

It's like, Did I say something wrong?

Inside I'm screaming, "I want to talk!!!!" yet I feel like there isn't much for me to say or I just feel like ... yeah, there's nothing for me to say. 

Everyone was chattering about how Domino's pizza was the best and the only thing I can say about Domino's was, "I don't know, there's a difference?" 

And I don't know if it's jealousy or what but ... oh nevermind. 

I just suck so badly at conversations. 

Believe it or not, sometimes it really takes a lot of effort to keep one going. 

Ugh thanks.

It's so petty. But I really find it annoying.

When the class chat just ignores~~~ all the way whatever you ask and go on with their own stuff. I mean, it doesn't happen to just me and sometimes I do ignore too anyway so I shouldn't be complaining. 

Karma.

I guess that means that no one knows. 

Ugh okay I'm thinking a wee bit too much now, as usual. Well yeah, concerning the damn chat group and no, I'm not going to say because spilling out your thinking too much thoughts feels ... I don't know, weak and whiny. 

OhMyGod. 

That moment when you (basically just me, really) realise you're more similar to Okonkwo than you think you'll ever be. 

People in my Lit class will know, haha. Spent so many essays criticizing his weaknesses, so I'm pretty sure I'll know whether or not I'm similar and ah ah ah guess what! Jackpot!

Okay not really, I'm not that extreme like he is but ugh even a little bit of similarity is puke-worthy.

Byee

PS. Happy Birthday Ryan! Many happy returns, dreams and memories. Although you won't see this probably forever since you cured yourself of stalking my blog thank you very much. 

It's CNY !

Too lazy to blog shit these days but since I'm sitting in front of my computer and kinda slacking off while internally debating if I should be pissed off at my friend or myself, I might as well take this chance to update or something.

Anyway. THANKS GEN CHIA FOR THAT POST ! 

I mean yeah I read it about a week late oops but thanks so much darlin' you're the best xD. 

And thanks so much to Kezia and co. (Too lazy to type everyone's names), that trip out on Sunday was so fun! You guys made my 18th birthday a little less lame than it really was. 

Not to mention that super cool pocket watch you guys got me. 

Athough I think I'm going to have trouble reading it, haha! 

I mean, I can't even read analogue watches properly so you've gotta expect some problems with roman numerals, right?

Right. Yes. It's not because I suck at reading time. Of course it's not because of that pshhhh.

Okay I want to get back to my drawing. I am so so so so going to complete that music project man. 

Speaking of music, I finally got out my storyline for GenEd! Oh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh man sigh of relief but not really because deadline's next week oops so screwed. 

I feel like I sound high or something. But I didn't eat any chocolates. 

OOPS I mean't sweets. Why did I type that? 

I mean, yeah, I did down some chocolates. (SO FAT ugh). 

Who cares. Actually I do but pft who cares.

Okay bye to those stalkers who still stalk this. You have little life. 

Happy Lunar New Year! 

FML

I don't know if its because of my mood swings that I'm feeling so frustrated now but I'm pretty sure its a contributing factor.

Having to shuffle in between houses every now and then makes me feel a little annoyed and unhappy already. I really really hate it. No one should have to do that.

Moreover, I've been hearing that from my mom since young. "Those poor kids have to shuffle from house to house, so terrible. When parents divorce, its always the kids who suffer."

Yet years later I've joined the group of 'poor things' who have to shuffle time between both parents since one is no longer a constant in their life.

I don't want to say FML MY LIFE SUCKS I HATE MY LIFE because right now, its not as bad as it could have been. I want to appreciate that my mom is still alive and well, I want to be thankful my dad still loves and cares for us.

Yet at times like this when I get so frustrated, my whole mind just screams how much life sucks. Get so torn between the two feelings you know?

Half of me knows that if I smile and tell myself everything is fine, if I smile then I'll feel better, and.the other half just wants to wallow in self-pity.

When oh when will I learn not to leave my projects to the last minute

Seriously?

First.

Some classmate (M---) said he could sell his kidney for 700k and 'any offers?' On twitter.

I mean its probably a 'just saying' thing but ugh -.-

Is he accepting installments? Because even if its his, if it matches my mom then Hell yes I want it. Its like, people need that kidney. And you're thinking of the 700k? You think leave yourself one kidney is okay? HAH. That soccer fanatic probably doesn't know that he can't play soccer much anymore with just one kidney. Jeez.

And ugh that 'donation' thing. I mean, those tin boxes one I think is okay. At least if I want to donate $2 or $0.20, its completely my choice. Because that's how donations should be, voluntary and from the heart.

Not some random guilt trip you pull on people as their walking down the street with food in their hands or something. 'Just ten dollars only.'

I'm sorry my dear but in case you haven't noticed, which you did because you pointed it out to me, I am a student. I do not have a fixed income. I live on an allowance which grows smaller with inflation. As much as I am considered more well off than those you are trying to ... help, I cannot afford to fork out $10 as if it were $0.10 to buy a dubious looking voucher.

There is no choice to donate a dollar or something. 'Must be $10.'

Charity is voluntary! If I'm not volunteering, don't guilt trip me or force me to donate more than i want to or can! Honestly.

Plus. I am not going to donate money just to have a percentage of it go to you as commission. Commission... for what? Running around selling vouchers? Its like doing sales under the righteous sounding name of charity. Those secondary school girls are giving their morning to help the needy for free. That is called charity.

The vouchers? I call that sales.

Yeah yeah say I'm wrong or whatever. Charity is a choice. So quit guilt-tripping.

That squirrel looks familiar ...

Well it's not a squirrel exactly. 

This year's birthday feels strangely similar to the one I had back in sec 2 or 3, only kind of a little more sad. 

That year, the only thing I remember doing was playing my computer games home alone while waiting for dinner. I felt pretty miserable that year, "What a lousy birthday." 

Well I had a nice dinner out anyway. 

This year? Well.. I'm home alone as usual but since I'm trying to stay off from games until the holidays, I decided bake instead. But since bread has to rise (-.-), I'm reading manga while waiting sigh.

It feels sad because I can't celebrate with my mom on the actual day itself, although dinner the other night was pretty awesome. At least I had a cake and candles to blow out too. The 'Happy Birthday' sign caught on fire halfway through heh heh heh. 

Nope, no song. Anyway. 

Usually the first person who wishes me past midnight are people closest to me, like my gal friends. This year ... was actually kinda funny now that I think of it. Mark called me while I was sleeping around 1225am and wished me before hanging up. Only I remember it as more like a dream since I was half awake and muttering who knows what into the phone. 

Well it's nice to know my friends still remember. My class definitely didn't remember. Which is kind of sad, but whatever. I wasn't expecting much from them. The time of celebrate everyone's birthday! is looong gone. No one cares to do anything anymore. 

Okay I sound whiny and ... I don't know what you call it. But hey, people want to feel special on the day they call their own and ... oh better check the dough. Oops I might have oiled it a bit too much. 

Okay enough. I want to read my manga. Bye! 

Will someone please respond ...

I do not want to stay up late tomorrow and rush out my economics project. 

We were like 3 quarters done before school reopened but now I'm just, "Where is the rest???" 

But is that the best part? 

Nooooooo.

What the hell is the point of Whatsapp groups for projects when no damn person replies. And I'm pretty sure my Whatsapp is working because I just receieved a message from the class group and was chatting just fine with Bao Xin earlier. 

Goddamn it it's Sunday and it's already 10pm plus! I'm pretty sure whoever has work has already knocked off and whoever has been busy should be free now. 

I posted in two groups. TWO. 

Seriously. For fudge's sake. 

Yoga breathing... however that goes. 

Since 3 effing pm. And I don't want to stay up late tonight. Hello, 8am class. I need my sleep. 

Ugh screw this.

See? Li Shan just replied me. My phone is working perfectly fine.

Balls. 

Ahh a seat

Yeah just got a seat (oh yeah outram park people)  which is like great because my back was starting to ache again.

I should really just hold my laptop.

Hmm.

Nah who cares its more convienient this way!

Anyway. We were all obsessing over Adeline's (sadly) Chinese book on uh... well... what do you call it? Blood type personality whatever etc.

So according to the translations I heard from my resident Chinese geniuses, type As are nice, caring perfectionists and type Bs are the happy, forever late (ahem sounds like someone who's always denying this) and.. hmm... can't remember. Basically the uh fun and kind of happy-go-lucky I guess.

Then the ABs (no not abs) apparently have the most faults wow okay.

And lastly the majority type Os are (sigh) pragmatic and realistic people. With bad sleeping and eating habits.

And there was this horoscope mix with blood type page for compatibility thing that was like pretty funny because me and Eva were looking at blood type Os and for with ABs, a good four rows were no not good never ever.

Even more somewhat (note, somewhat) sadly was since my date is in the middle of 2 signs, I have to look at both (so much work ugh) and hm well.

Lets just say if I follow the whole zodiac reading logic thingy, then the best match is no match.

Oh, reaching kallang! That was fast. Okay signing off then!

Common blood common surname.

Yan Er.

Yeah right CCA

Isn't it amazing how ccas can influence you.

For example. Thanks to my cca I'm in an extremely foul mood this morning.

Screw you.

I literally walked out of the house thinking, 'I hate everyone in life.'

Seriously even if you mean well, don't remind me that I have cca today because I hate my cca.

As usual of course.

So sadly. Thanks adam for ruining my morning with that bloody reminder. Although you probably mean well.

Ughh what the hellllll. I really want to quit.

Although that might just be me being lazy. Nahh surely not because I'm the most un-lazy person ever.

Hardworking* yes. I totally meant to use that.

Such bullshit. Obviously I'm lazy to train. Its not fun at all!

Swimming on the other hand ~ so much more awesome right!

I can hear all the shouts of agreement already. Of course swimming rocks thank you.

LOL. This is getting nowhere. At least the thought of swimming cheered me up!

Literally pain in the back

Honestly.

Is my bag too heavy or am I not used to standing straight?

So annoying. Lower back is aching again. And there I was thinking that it was gone for good since I'm no longer lugging those ridiculously heavy textbooks to school.

And I'm standing in the Mrt now. damn it.

You see? That's why take care of your precious back. Otherwise get old before your time.

Ugh.

Only 12 more stops to go.

2013

 2013 is finally coming to an end, and actually I'm not ready for it to end but sadly mother nature doesn't listen to me. 

Like when I'm swimming. Purposely must keep calling me when I want to swim. Do you know how troublesome it is? Swimming and thinking "IneedapeeIneedapee." 

Anyway. It's the last.. hour and a half (?) of 2013 and well I'm sitting at my table full from my hotpot (hurhur) and doing what I love/enjoy the most; drawing.

In any case, because I'm blogging just for the sake 'It's last day of 2013!!', and also because I want to go back to designing the clothes for my original character, I'll keep this so-called 2013 reflection thing short and sweet. 

It's been really fun! 

Cheers! 

YanEr

PS. See you next year lol. 

PPS/PPSS/PSS. Told you it was going to be a short reflection. 

Flashbacks

I can't remember which year it was, probably sec 1 to 3 I guess.

The girl guides were, as usual, serving food on speech day. Or was it cca commendation? Well, either way its the same.

Obviously on either occasions none of us were very happy about serving food. We'd just marched the whole parade thingy on speech day and you want us to rush to the canteen to set up while the rest gets to relax? And what about cca commendation day? Get dressed in the whole full gear just to serve people.

Looking back now, it was actually really fun bitching about having to lug the uniform and boots to school, and also setting up and all that. But anyway.

For some reason, I was always posted to the so called VIP table. I used to hate the idea of it. But come to think of it, it was probably the most entertaining Booth out of them all!

And by entertaining, I really mean most troublesome.

The teacher there I swear would like breathe down our necks every other minute to ensure we fatten up her colleagues.

"Fill up their plates when it's empty!"

"Arrange the food nicely!"

"Help them fill up the water!"

"Clear the plates for them!"

Sheesh! On that day, the teachers had their own set of waitresses decked out in full guides uniform. They were all like "wow such great service!"

Why yes thank you because I was the only one running around filling up their cups (would like more water sir?) since one of my dear partners ran off to slack somewhere.
But really, it was fun! Guessing when they needed refills and all was quite fun. By the end of the day sarah and I declared we could work as waitresses.

Of course we can't but hey sense of achievement! 

Okay bye!

PS KOKIA ROCKS.

Walk straight

Those were the exact words my cousin gave me as directions to my grandma's place.

Not surprisingly, I got lost. So basically right now, I'm standing in front of macpherson secondary waiting for my mother to get me.

You'd think that directions as simple as that would do the job, I mean, how hard is that!

Just walk straight darn it!

I guess that just goes to show how little a sense of.direction I possess. Sigh.

Oh there they are! Well time to go.

I walked straight all right, to the wrong place.

Bye!

Drawing

Right now, I'm fangirling over Saiyuki. 

Ohmygoddd they are so so so so so cute! 

Ahem. Anyway. 

Because of my recent obsession with them, I decided to try drawing Kenren from Saiyuki Gaiden. 

Obviously I'm not posting the photo because that takes work. Well, maybe I will but moving on. 

He was so darn difficult to draw oh man. I ended up completing like his eyes and nose before giving up. 

Yeah, yeah. Rome wasn't build in a day.

I will might get to finishing it ... some day. 

What? Rome wasn't build in a day. *wink* 

A bad wink if anyone tried imagining that. I can't wink well. And when I actually succeed, it looks so weird! Like awkward-ish and just ... unglam. So please, for the sake of your eyes, imagine some hot person doing a perfect wink instead. 

Like JiaWei winking when playing murderer. HEH. That one was funny. So unglam but so hilarious, but I digress. 

Did I use that right? Ah whatever. 

Anyway. What was I saying? Drawing, right. I was drawing. And then I realised just how much I missed drawing for the sake of drawing. What I mean is, recently, I've been drawing for the sake of colouring. 

Had this colouring craze. Just wanted to use my colour pencils and water colour it all! It was so damn fun. Trying to do shadows and all that. 

Before I realised it, I started drawing because I'm so eager to colour them. I couldn't wait until my drawing was complete so I could ink and colour them. 

Just now, because the starting of Sakura no Ki no Shite was stuck in my head, some really sad sounding song but so awesome, I decided to draw in my smaller sketch book and bam. I realised that it's been a while since I last drew... for the sake of drawing(?). Like, the intended ending was for it to be a black and white piece, not coloured. 

And oh man it felt so good to be concentrating on drawing itself and not rushing through to finish so I can colour it. 

I guess even sometimes for the things you enjoy doing, you forget all about the process itself. (?) 

I don't know what I'm saying. 

Oh to hell with the deep sayings and all that. 

Moral? 

Drawing feels damn good. I love drawing. 

Cheers! 

PS. Kenren and Tenpou is so hot.

Christmas Eve! (It is, right?)

Christmas sure came quick this year!

And this time, my nails are properly decorated with the Christmas stuff hah! On time, too!

Anyway, this morning, I risked being yelled at by my sister and barged into her room at 9am to wake her up. THE SUN WAS SHINING SO BRIGHTLY OH GOSH. PERFECT FOR SWIMMING!

Thankfully, she just covered herself with the blanket again and I backed out of the room before she could scold me. And minutes later, she emerged from the room! Mission accomplished oh yeah!

Watching her struggle to remember how to swim was amusing but I have to remind myself that that's probably how I looked a few months back when i first went swimming with Kezia. Oh the entertainment I must have provided you with, huh?  =)

Right now I'm on the bus to woodlands to accompany her to get some stuffnso I thought might as well blog or something, although my diary is suffering for want of use badly. Did I phrase that right? I have no idea.

Okay I shall continue enjoying my music so ... merry pretty holly everyone! Yes, I'm looking at my oh so pretty self manicured nails. So bimbotic, but whatever.

Cheers!

Burn lady burn

Its probably not nice of me to be like this during Christmas week. BUT TO HELL WITH THAT I'M EFFING PISSED OFF OH MY GOD.

I'm sitting at toastbox in tampines 1 and just UGH I have to rage. DARN AUNTIES DAMN YOU. JUST ARRGH.

So. Just a few minutes ago I was trying to look for a seat since toaatbox is usually quite full. And well, one perfect one just popped out so i went to the table and was about to sit.

Then. This dear aunty with her granddaughter came up from behind me, and even though i was already touching the table (which everyone knows it means taken if you understand basic ... I don't know! Its just basic!), she was like 'come come here got seat!'

And poof they sat down.

It was so in my face.

WHY DID I HESITATE OH MY GOD I'M SO STUPID UGH SO ANGRY SO ANGRY SO ANGRY!!!!!!!

Damn you aunty and your aunty mannerisms. I would curse, because in my mind I already am. But it would be crude.

@#$% you.

There, at least I censored it. For all we know, it could mean love you!

HAH. Yeah sure, toootally.

Burn lady burn.

Week before Christmas

It's been a really busy two weeks! Which is kind of sad because the days just flew by and I can see my much awaited holiday ending. 

Not to mention I've been avoiding checking the Blackboard since hey, who wants to do projects in December! 

Anyway. On Monday I was supposed to go the the Chalet but well, cramps that was bad enough to warrant a whole day sleep, so I skipped both the squash training and the chalet. 

On Tuesday, I went to the Chalet with Samantha since well it was Zhi Yu's birthday so I might as well. As usual, the day time was a little boring, played cards and all that. Which, hah I can do combos in Daidi ~ 

Sadly, because BBQ-ing isn't my thing, I spent most of the time hiding in the AC room using my phone and giggling at Tumblr posts. No Christopher,  don't be silly, I wasn't sleeping. 

Well Samantha seemed pretty happy munching away at the food that the guys were cooking and was definitely a much bigger help than I was. Since cooking and I don't mix well, I helped in the best way I could, staying out of the way. Which suit me just fine hurhurhur. 

Anyway, later that night, the guys rented a mahjong table and set (Oh yeah now we're talking!) I teamed with Samantha to show her how to play and we played until around midnight. 

It was so hilarious because Christopher was like so damn blur. Anyway, halfway through the game, the door suddenly burst open with a table and a cake on it. Like, oh surprise Zhi Yu Happy Birthday! 

Of course it didn't turn out that way. The ones who got a shock when they came in was Samantha, the guy next to me (sorry, can't remember who, was it Chris?) and me. We were like all wide-eyed and thinking holy crap, did not see that coming but lets bob our heads and clap along like we knew that was going to happen. 

In any case, too lazy to describe anymore. I won a few times in a row that night and had crab when I got home so yeah good day! 

Moving on to Thursday because this is so noteworthy; I wasn't feeling very well so I skipped training and told Adam to drop by after training so try the court shoes. 

Oh yeah he came, with a pretzel and a bottle of honey lemon \(^-^)/. It was so nice of him. Thanks man~ 

And then proceeded to download Amnesia into my computer to scare himself. 

Lastly! Yesterday I finally met up with Gen and we went all the way to some unknown area in East Coast road or something to try Penny University! The food was okay, but the pie! Oh the pie. Was so nice! 

We had a, what was it? Strawberry Lemon meringue or something. Soooooo good! And pretty too. >=) 

After that, we decided to try playing pool without guys for once.

The end result? I mean, besides the fact that we sucked so horribly our first game took slightly longer than half an hour. 

Oh my gosh I love playing pool! It is so addictive and fun! 

We played three games, one of which I lost, but they were all so fun oh my gosh. The amount of beginners luck I had was amazing! 

And the extreme failure at breaking. My white ball literally slid past one side of the triangle and straight into the pocket. Nice. 

In any case, I totally have to play pool with Gen again. Oh! And thanks so much again for teaching me how to end the knots and stuff for sewing! You're awesome darling.

Okay I have talked way too much. Bye! 

Back home.. in Tampines!

First, before I forget, thanks Mark for willingly coming down all the way from Dover to eat dinner tonight! Otherwise there'd only be me and Ryan and that means no dinner out which means dinner at ah mah house with that and that equates to an extremely pissed off and unhappy me since I'll have to see two people I really don't want to see tonight. So thanks!

Oh, thanks Ryan too, I guess!

Well I'm on the bus now reaching the interchange and I just thought... what if oh dear god I open the door and that damn woman is there?!

Thank goodness I have sims3 to play. Why? Because my darling internet is down since my wonderful father defaulted his payment thanks dad.

Whew. I just reached home and finished bathing and YES THANK YOU SHE'S NOT HERE.

House is in a mess though. Really need to scrub and mop the floor.

Today's dinner was fun though! Three of us went to strictly pancakes to eat and because both mark and I are clueless in Bedok, we trusted Ryan to bring us there. Dear Ryan made us walk so much there instead of taking the bus like most normal people would. But thanks anyway. 

Then because we all got full before we could finish our meal, we started playing the thumb game to decide who would eat what, which got grosser and grosser by the turn. As usual, I lost quite a number of rounds and ate like, some pretty ugh stuff. Which actually didn't taste that bad so whew for my weird tastebuds! Maybe trying canned dog food last time helped!

Then, we walked even more to East coast park, to the Macs there then to the skate park and was like going to reach the jetty when Ryan conveniently remembered the turn to the bus stop was actually before the skate park.

Insert loads more walking before we finally reached the bus stop and took 31!

Pretty fun day!

Oh and mom got me a dress yesterday so I wore it to work but I still feel weird in it. But! That means my new year clothes are done hur hur hur.

Nights!

Sims

I am so so so soooooo annoyed. And pissed. And annoyed.

Firstly, my sum got robbed twice and when her savings and everything is like, less than 1k. Damn you robber Avery sage who has no compassion for a poor sim living on so little.

And then. My game crashed a few times before I could save it. Which means, oh so lucky me has to replay the game again to get to where I was before the cursed game crashed.

Damn.

But is this the end? Oh noooooo.

I made friends with a really pretty sim and I decided she and my sim will become gal bffs or something ( so bimbotic, I know ) but I forgot that I didn't turn off vampires in my game. Guess what. She became a vampire oh my god. But that's not the worst of it, at least her skin isn't all pale and pasty.

But wait! There's more!

I had to search and all that for a sim that looked decent enough (I'm not even asking for good looking) to date my sim so I can hurry up and expand the family. And through her (haha) online dating I found this okay okay looking guy and was like YEAH MAN I GOT ONE!

That is, until I made my sim go out with him and discovered that he's attached damn that effer how dare he still friend me on that dating thing when he's married that pervert that cheater that two timer.

Looks like I'll have to (yes) set my house on fire and get together with the fireman instead. What? Its easier and better than getting someone to rob the house so i can meet a policeman. Welcome to the life of Sims people.

Little things

Strange how little things can influence your mood. Take two days ago for an example; the sky that morning was such a clear baby blue that I couldn't help but smile looking at it. (Before the econs paper screwed up my mood damn it.)

I'm sure there're many other examples, just that I cant remember. Like the cool December breeze in the morning oh man I love it so much its so awesome. Or watching the sunlight bounce off the vivid green leaves of the trees. When I'm in an AC room of course, not sweating outside with the sun reflecting off me.

Or just now, when my dad passed me his wallet to pay for a drink. I caught a glimpse of an old photo of my dad holding my sister and me back when we were really young.

Maybe its weird but it made me feel a little happy, or reassured at least. Reassured that my father actually does still care and love us both even if we dont feel a hint of it anymore.

That, of he just likes how he looks in that photo. Come on, it is a possibility.

Cheers!

Which to choose I wonder

SiP. 

Another headache. 

Which is retarded because it shouldn't be something difficult or stressful. 

I'm supposed to rank the option that I want to do next year, namely Active Aging, Social integration, Environment and Healthcare. 

Honestly, none of them really interests me. At most, the one that seems most interesting and etc to me would be Environment. 

Yeah, I'm a nerd. 

The problem? Oh, nothing new. As usual, it's something no one in class wants to do. 

As usual. 

But seriously, I am not going to do active aging. What can I say? It's not my interest. Which sounds kinda mean. But really. 

And once again, a part of me is refusing to apply for this alone. Which was the same for SFL, and sad to say, my diploma course. 

Well for the last one it wasn't a main factor but definitely a contributing one. 

Also, I know that if some people sees this it'll be bad because... yes. Already received a quarter-lecture from him about things like that. 

So here's to hoping he concentrates on studying for the MSTs  and not see this. A good chance, no?

Is that rain I'm looking at outside the window oh my god I thought it was just cold and windy today not rainy wow. 

Wait, it's just a super light drizzle, doesn't count. 

Anyway... there's no guarantee that I'll be in the same class as my friends. 

But... there'll be a good chance right?

I just asked my sister's boyfriend about his SiP and it sounded quite funny, though not surprising coming from him. Apparently, he chose Social Integration and their project was : 

PokeLand

Bascially, Pokemon Land!

Which is just hilarious because I was not expecting that at all. Well it did make it sound a whole lot more fun than it originally did. 

Okay, shall go back to deciding on my options. 

Pineapple cheesecakes everyone! 

I don't know where that came from. 

Bye! 

So screwed

My exams are in a few days and my motivation level is at pfft zero. I have absolutely no idea what I should be doing as revision. Which sucks.

I finished the practice papers in school and made notes... what else am I missing? I really can't think of anything else to do. For my mst, I really am slacking quite a bit.

Which, is why I am so screwed.

Its really times like this I wish (its something stupid as usual) that my grades were average like everyone else's. No expectations to live up to.

Although most of the time people say I'm stressing myself out.

Even little things people say make me wonder if I should really be studying all the time. Is there even a point? I mean ... I don't know, its worrying.

Haha, now I'm worrying.

Right now I don't feel like I should say what I'm worrying about. Maybe if I leave it alone, I'll forget all about it.

Which is cowardly, I know. I can practically hear a certain friend saying 'Excuses.' in my head now.

Yeah yeah, I get it. I'll just continue studying hard first. and hopefully, the candle won't burn out anytime soon.

For like, the next 10 years or so?

Cheers.

Long pants

I wore jeans to school today since the attire was 'smart casual' and as always, I swore I'd never wear it to school if I could help it.

So damn warm!!

Like, it wasn't that bad but it wasn't that good either. Conclusion: shorts for the Win.

Obviously the first thing I did when I reached home was to strip off the jeans and trade it for my shorts. Oh the relief man.

That was when I felt it. No, not the relief, I was and still am feeling that.

The cool, gentle breeze in the house.

I threw open my room window and stood in the middle of the house. Oh man that felt so cooling. Its been such a long time since I last felt this kind of awesome wind, especially in the house.

Oh oh there it is again! Ahhh god bless the wind even though I'm not religious.

Anyway, I decided that long pants make me appreciate such wind more. Because when wearing long pants, you don't feel shit at all.

Okay I shall check in on my instant noodles.

CHEERS!

Really? Tch.

Inline skating would have been a nice way to end the day. It was so fun playing ice and water!

Not to mention the collision between Adeline, Val and some other guy. MAN that was hilarious!

Obviously, days don't always end so nicely and seems like today's going to be one of those days. First was some random (not to mention kind of lame) message sent out by my friend to a group chat using my phone. Normally I don't care that much if the message is just plain retarded, but really now, a confession?

I'm not saying I don't take other phones to message dumb shit. Rarely, but duh of course I've done that before. But not things like that, that's just kinda weird.

Kind of neutral-annoyed at that but whatever, I guess it doesn't matter.

And then oh god. One that i promised not to tell anyone but I think expressing opinions should be fine. Judge me for all I care. And if you think I'm talking about you, then no, really, I'm not.

Seriously? What the hell are you trying to prove here?

And sadly(for me), that is all I can and will say on that. The internet is public.

I am disturbed that his ... opinion of me will become something like "that girl's seriously a bitch" but what the hell. It'll be mutual. And since I'm not going to pretend I don't hold grudges because that's a lousy lie, I'll just be quietly pissed until it burns out.

Okay back to stats to get annoyed even more.

Problems

Sometimes I just scroll through all the social media stuff and see people posting things concerning their problems, especially all the love life and stuff and for some insanely weird reason, this line will run through my mind.

"Why can't I have normal problems like that?"

Then three seconds later, I mentally face palm. Why the hell would I want problems like that??! What, the hell.

It looks like I have to remind myself how incredibly annoying and painful it is to fret over crushes and friendship and etc. For every one small moment of joy comes a ton of pain and unhappiness. Its a package deal.
Maybe its just me, I don't know.

But you know, life's really boring. I mean, sure, I have my problems. Dark ones, apparently. As mentioned by Mark or something. But still, its boring.

You know those times where you hear the message tone been before eagerly texting back a reply to your friend? Just a plain ol' simple conversation the whole day talking nothing but bullcrap to entertain. Yeah, I kind of miss them.

That really stupid smile you get when you read the message because your friend just texted you something lame and she knows you're going to smile at the phone like an idiot because she's already informed you that that's what you'll do. Did that make sense?

School's filled with fun, laughter and giggles. Even though I don't think we're that close at all, they're still pretty awesome.

And then I step into this apartment called home. Retire into my room.

It's like a whole different world. The comfort that should be there is just... different. Weird, maybe.

Oh dear, looks like I'm on a whole rant again.

I know this feeling. And I'm not liking it.

But what to do, can only suck it up and move on. 

I'd pray to god but I'm not religious. So maybe my dreams will be kind to me, let me dream of all the good things at night at least.

Goodnight!

Yeah, that's it

Been feeling kind of ... neutral recently. Which is weird. And it's like I haven't been doing anything right too.

House's a mess which i would love to clean but ... lets wait till the holidays.

Well... I guess that's it. Nothing much to do or look forward to.

Okay I'm just bored. On the train. Rushing to work. But I think I'll make it on time. Yay

EXPO

A pretty normal day filled with fun and laughter, as usual! 

Strangely, it should have been the most long and tiring day of the week (though I think Friday will probably win now) since we had essentially no breaks today. Our lunch break got eaten up by our accounting cher since she needed to do some makeup lesson from 12 to 4. 

4 hours! 

I came to school specially prepared for that. Yesterday, I went to Cold Storage to buy that awesome chocolate covered jelly sweet thingy which was kinda pricey but still, awesome. So during class, me and Eva just sat there snacking and doing work. 

Which for once I managed to understand BOOYEAH. 

I got my accounting right man ~ 

After school, we stayed back to do stats and thank god we did. If I read those ten questions at home, I probably wouldn't have understood crap from it and given up. Seriously. How in the great blue world am I supposed to know what formula to use? It is so damn confusing. 

We all felt like dying after reaching the fifth question. But thankfully the other five were a lot shorter. THANK GOODNESS. I would have died doing stats if there were more questions to do. I was kinda close to throwing a tantrum at all that dumb questions but well, I controlled. Not bad, huh? 

Anyway, we decided to just quickly rush home but on the way, Ryan suggested going to the EXPO to look at some shoes and I went along with him and Adam since well, going home alone isn't fun. 

I was feeling pretty tired by the time we reached there but watching them was really fun. Since I still have to practice my DBE, I'll cut the long story short. They hunted through piles of shoes (Vans, if I may add) before finally finding a decent pair for Adam. 

Then came the more exciting product; food. 

I swear the look on Ryan and Adam's face when they first started looking at the snacks. Even though I was getting really tired, I swear man it was so damn funny that it totally made my night.

You know that look on kids when they get super excited and happy or something? 

Yup.  

Watching two teenagers standing there laughing and giggling over food was really really funny. I didn't have to get anything to feel happy and all that; watching them was seriously good enough. What can I say? I like watching people. 

The prices weren't that bad either, so they both ended up with a bag a goodies worth around $10. 

Lastly before I really concentrate on my DBE because I'm getting so sleepy, I met Sherman on the way home, at the MRT there. Squash senior Sherman, not secondary school Sherman. I walked with him to the traffic light near S11, joking and kidding around before saying bye. A good way to end the day out too I guess. 

Alright, back to work now. Sadly. 

@$&*@¢£

Seriously pissed and frustrated.

I was prepared have lunch and dinner with my mom today and tomorrow but its all screwed up now. Mentally cursing now seriously.

First, tuition today cancelled because of some, I don't know, LAST MINUTE update that there's some noisy renovation or what work at the center. Too noisy to conduct class.

Can we postpone to tomorrow afternoon.

Excuse me. Its a damn Sunday. Sunday. Sunday. I treasure my Sundays okay. Its family day. No one should have to work on that day.

Plus, I was planning to eat lunch with my mom. Now.its all just ruined. I was really looking forward to eating with her.

Its so damn disappointing and frustrating. I just want to eat a meal with my mom. Can't you just let me have it?
Yeah yeah I can hear it now. It's working life, DEAL WITH IT.

Hell no. It's my family time. Why should I have to suck it up for work.

Appreciation

A thought crossed my mind as I was folding the clothes piled on my bed. 

I have to clean the toilet today.

I'm actually okay with doing the household chores. Things like sweeping, mopping, washing and stuff. Even cleaning the rabbit bedding's okay. 

But! The toilet!

It's just so ughhh. 

It sounds kind of horrible but it's times like this I really appreciate all the cleaning my Mom had to do over the years by herself. She cleaned the toilet every single day oh god. I wouldn't be able to stand it. 

So. Before I confront my arch nemesis, I just wanted to say THANKS MOM for making the house so clean when you were staying here. It's a little late I guess but better late then never~!

Appreciate the little things she does. Like cleaning the toilet. 

Of course I love and thank her for other stuff, she's not my maid. But today's topic is the toilet. So ... Yeah. 

Okay, bye! 

Dinner

Since I have time while waiting for the heater to warm up the water, I shall entertain myself by typing down my thoughts of today. 

Which did not start out that well. Woke up at 7.38am because the sun started shining on my head which gave me this massive headache and pissed me so badly but I decided to try and ignore it and go back to sleep; which kind of worked but my Whatsapp started beeping and I just yanked it out of the plug to read the message before proceeding to 'scold' Valerie for waking up so early and telling her to "go back to sleep". 

I thought I'd just wait for the alarm in my phone to ring before I really get up but it wasn't exactly a good choice because hearing that irritating alarm is just... moodkill. But I got up anyway! 

Took my time getting to school to meet my DBE group for some project stuff which was kinda fun I guess, even though I was internally cursing for most of it for existing. At least we got it out of the way by lunchtime! 

Which reminds me. Of something mildly embarrassing. 

Seriously, does my head really nod left and right when I sleep on the train?? I actually thought I was doing quite well on the way home today. I hugged my bag and just rested my head on it because well, in theory (or something), you won't lean left or right when you're hugging something on your lap right.

Apparently not ... 

Ugh. Both Ryan and Bryan said that I still leaned on well yeah when sleeping. But! I was half conscious, pretty sure of that! So how could I not know! I thought I was doing well in sleeping properly. 

Guess not.

Anyway, met up with Val, Adam and the two of them for dinner at Bedok after that. Felt completely lost there, like it was probably the first time I tapped out at Tanah Merah MRT station. 

Dinner was super fun! We just kept talking and sharing stuff, mostly about well crushes and all that and ... wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be when it came to my turn to share. Even so, their response was about the same as what the guys in secondary school have been saying about me; heartless. 

I am no longer surprised by it. In fact, I would call myself that too! The more I talked about it, the more I realised just how mean I was to them. In my defense, it was my way of nipping it in the bud. Oh well. 

Halfway while sharing mine, they passed a comment about me being competitive in studies which .. I admit, is true. Sometimes, it sounds like a bad thing because getting good grades but not up to my standard makes me sound like an arrogant(?) and annoying person. So it kinda got me thinking where did that competitiveness stem from? 

Hm. I wonder. 

I guess you could say the moment I started getting good grades in secondary 1, it felt good and after that it kind of became something people expected from me. It was horrible just imagining the disappointment of the people at home who were already beginning to brand me as the smart one and expecting like top in class results kind of thing. Honestly in upper sec, I studied like mad mainly because I was afraid to disappoint my mom, even though not once did she push me to score well. 

And ugh, the pathetic part. All that inferiority issues which I honestly really just ugh. I mean, those girls had like everything. Well not really, but it seemed like it! Looks, friends(yes I have few), athletic ability and stuff, seemed like grades was my the only thing I could feel sure of myself, the only bit of pride? I don't know. 

Well, that's that. Yeah the last part sounds a bit sob story. Ugh. But hey, skip it if it's too disgusting. 

Okay overall, awesome day. It's really one of those days that I can really think back and remember, It was a really great day! 

Goodnight, or morning if you want to be so time conscious!

Cheers!