Well that was awkward

Last night's ride home was awkward and downright depressing.

Both of them were arguing over something so ugh and the conclusion was so blehh also.

Ended up feeling pretty upset too because they were both genuinely upset and really arguing and I was just like, god no not my friends too please stop ugh enough why guys don't argue over nothing

So that walk back, well it was kinda like walking home alone because Ian was just walking infront and I lost the motivation or whatever to keep up since we were both just like silent the whole way.

I kind of expected him to just walk on ahead without stopping or anything but man he actually stopped and waited for me to catch up and just gave me like the friendliest sort of smile i guess that I've ever seen when upset and was like don't think too much about it la and well I could only nod because you know, I lose my voice when I'm that upset so we parted with a 'goodnight' and a wave and that made everything alot better for a while.

Then I got a text and had to deal with the continued drama from the other party all the way to 1am so I'm pretty surprised at how awake I am now considering only 5 hours of sleep.

Gah I don't know what to do with the both of them anymore. We're not physically together but for some reason I still can hear that same deafening silence from last night and its so unsettling and its making me lose my appetite although I don't know why ugh well it saves money but ahhhh.

Kay bye ~

Guides cookies

These days, a particular memory from secondary school keeps resurfacing and good gosh it's making me miserable please stop.

I think it was in sec 3 or 4 that this happened, though I'm not very sure. It could be lower sec 2.

We were collecting orders for the guide cookies and well with my extremely small circle of friends, I didn't really have many people to ask. Not to mention most of them (which was two haha pathetic right) were also girl guides so my list looked really... empty.

I felt way too shy to ask people and when I finally got around to doing that, I found out that most had already gone to my other two friends to order the cookies. It was either that or they couldn't afford it.

I guess I must have looked pretty miserable because Adam and Raihan dug into their pockets to share one box and order from me so that my list would look so sad and damn did I feel like crying at that moment.

To have such awesome friends made me feel so touched and grateful, but at the same time the feelong of being pitied like that felt so horrible. But even so thank you so much guys haha, it made my day anyway. =D

Making friends is really hard. Even now, I'm still questioning what kind of friends do I have in class. The feeling is so dang weird. Like we're friends but at the same time, something about being friends is missing. And it's probably because of something about me since I've had this feeling since always.

Ah I don't know how to say this. Friends but it feels so weird. What am I saying. 

Poly friends

These are just really small things that probably shouldn't bother me but still, I am disturbed.

Like. I just went out to get food and like duh they all knew because I walked across their seats but no one joined me so I just went on alone. Do I have to invite you to come? You can just get up and say something about wanting to get food too right?

Then I get back and sit down.

"oh want to get food?"

Then everyone stands up to go out and buy food. What the hell?

At least Adeline asked if I wanted to go out with them but what the hell?

I just got back like what.

I can't even tell if I'm being too sensitive or what, but recently it just feels as if I'm not really friends with any of them. Like yeah friends and nothing more than that which is just depressing.

Hey darling I just came from stalking your blog

I keep thinking about how much my life sucks these days with all the legal shit that's being fought out between my parents. 

Like, life is so bloody unfair right?! 

Then I get pulled back to reality with a simple blog post by my dear friend. Our situations, no matter how similar, cannot and should not be compared together. 

I'm not saying that, "Oh I've got it worse!" 

Ugh please, no. I mean, everyone's hurting just the same so why compare? 

It's really upsetting to read how unhappy she is over him. I wish I could do something for her but it doesn't seem like I'll be able to do much except backstage moral support. 

So hey darling, just gonna let you know that I'm here for you! 

The road ahead is tough and shitty but you'll do jes' fine. I'm saying this because you're you and I just have a feeling that you'll come out of this an even stronger person.

Because I don't care

It is interesting how I don't give a fuck about him anymore. 

It is amazing how ridiculous he can be. 

And it is down downright horrid how he chose her over his own daughters.

Family? Please.

I didn't know that walking out on your own family was so easy for you to do. 

For one moment

When I looked up, for just one moment, the gently falling rain reminded me of snow.

Hey a girl can dream can't she?

So dead ohmygod

I'm so dead so dead so dead for tomorrow's fma ohmygoddd

This is the first time going in feeling super unprepared yet i can't really do more omg there goes the gpa

Cuts

Its scary because I can sort of understand why someone would cut themselves.

At that moment pain is a much better distraction for the tears that are about to spill, or maybe the breakdown waiting to happen.

Close, but not quite there yet.

Good thing I'm allergic to pain.

Half a year to one year

So that's how long I have left to enjoy life as I know it.

When will they stop the good guy bad guy thing?

I'm getting really sick and tired of all this shit.

FYI Y'all this is a rant

Things feel really crappy recently and it sucks because I'm starting to feel a bit of secondary school feeling which I never want to feel again because the loneliness and envy just sucked so bad yet right now life is starting to suck so much because my family is just screwed up and exams are coming but the mood just isn't there so my GPA is confirm going to drop and sometimes I just want someone to understand that everything is getting so messed up that I can't feel happy for others and I'm getting so angry inside that it's scary because I don't know what to do but no one likes sob stories and no one can help me get rid of this anger and sometimes it's like no one cares even though I know that's not true but everything is piling up and if I don't deal with this then the feeling weighing on my chest won't go away and I'll feel like those times when I hid outside class during recess because I felt invisible and being in a room with others felt even worse and I haven't used a comma or a fullstop so maybe I should end this here okay goodnight people!

Trauma

I did something stupid last night but well if I didn't try then, I probably would never know right? (--> trying to convince myself harhar)

I accompanied Val, Bryan and Mark to Clarke quay last night with Eva and well. You know, Clarke quay = glug glug of disgusting alcohol.

Before you continue judging, let me just say all i had was one darn tequila shot, just one okay!

So obviously i should be fine but well hahahaha! God knows what happened with my stomach, I just rejected everything during the week hours of the morning and puked it all out. And it wasn't even much to begin with!

So for two freaking hours this morning I went from diarrhea to throwing up (phlegm of all things because there wasn't anything else ugh) to resting and repeating the whole shit again and again.

I say trauma because when I look at lemons now, (it was part of the drink) I get this sick feeling and ugh looking at the photos of those crappy drinks feels even worse.

The only good thing was that I learnt where meidi-ya is located.

Looks like I'm not drinking or eating lemons for the next 10 years of my life if its anything like my fear of eating luncheon meat =\

Anyway thanks Eva for sending Bryan to wait with me for the taxi and thanks Bryan for waiting even though you probably wanted to sit with the others and wait for your colourful shots.

Marymount

Went Upper Thomson to eat at the Prata House yesterday night with Adeline, Bryan, Eva, Ling Ting, RJ and Rui Shan. 

Man it was so fun! 

Although we probably should have played at the playground before eating 
><" 

Yeah we all spun round the playground too much that we felt like throwing up but whatever, it was just so fun. 

There was this round thingy thingy that could turn if someone spun it so everyone piled into that weird thing and climbed to the top and well it wasn't going to move by itself right, plus with my full stomach and motion sickness I was better off staying on the ground.

So. I tried to pull it and run with it so it would keep spinning but no joke man that shit's heavy! (Plus like 5 people inside T.T) 

But after a while i realised i could pull and run better with one hand so I did and tadah today my arms and legs are hurting like hell sigh. 

After that we sat there and played cards for about an hour or so before heading home which was tiring as well because of Bryan damnit make me run so much tsk. 

First was run to the train, then it was run for the transit between paya lebar circle to green line just so he could catch his bus. In the end leh! Don't need run also won't miss the bus. Aiyo seriously. 

Okay, too lazy to type already haha shall just post pics. 

Bye! 

I forgot

I forgot to post this or record this or something haha

Cos like on Friday when we were filming a video for CI project, Bryan wore his formal shirt over his well shirt and then put on the blazer, then tried to wear his tie. But since he so fail plus so many layers the hand cannot move or something, end up Adeline and I help him wear tie and adjust the clothes and we were like "wah feel like two mothers dressing the son like that"

which was like yeah, because I was even tightening the tie for him while she adjusted the collars like Tsk tsk Bryan.

Then after that, I thought like so many layers plus the blazer fit not that well so look a bit weird. So i said to Zahidah, "something looks off."

And ohmygod she heard it as "suddenly he looks hot." So she looked at me and was like HUH what did you say??

And I'm like confused so I repeated myself and she started laughing and told me what she heard and we both started laughing like crazy.

Oh Saturday at Bryan's house was damn fun too. Apparently all dog owners tease their dogs the sane way!

Byee

Sighh

It's because he cheers me on at such unexpected moments that he's such a treasured friend of mine.
I mean duh that's not the only reason, there's a whole lot more. Anyway.

Thanks for that random mini pep talk dude! You keep going on strong too!

I don't know how he knows but he knows hahaha

Yan Er

Debt

Just read a post online about how bad the economic state of the world is now.

Over 200 trillion dollars in debt, desperate until negative interest rates, rising unemployment...

What kind of system have we created for ourselves to live in?

Yan Er

Too little already

Like really leh.

Today I ate two small sushi rolls thingy, the small round one that always pack in 6 yeah I had two technically for breakfast.

Thennn... apple juice during QA...

Then chawamushi during this rare Wednesday break.

Insert long walk from business block to main library because I was a bit early and it was too bloody hot to not be in air con.

Then gened which I didn't really care about and well I hope the teacher doesn't hate me for expressing my absolute honest opinion about next week's seminar....

Then watched the squash guys read about dota for a few mins lol yes really I did, weird right.

Then apple juice again plus pocky and hello panda during jap class before going for cca. (Insert listless drills and hellish running because I cannot run at all).

Then finally, sprite on the way home and instant noodles with egg for dinner.

MAN I need some meat or something. Eat so little but exercise so much.

I deserve some nice snacks/food tomorrow right!

Okay goodnight!

Letting go of uh stuff?

Today's one of those days I find titling my posts super cheesy. Like so step haha.

Anyway. Even though its not that bad, my grades are like slipping alot by my standards and while I would have readily given up squash to study (basically go home slack then study a bit), I'm not so willing anymore.
I mean well yeah I am giving up that one extra day of squash a week with dad and sis, rather reluctantly of course. I guess this is the point the teachers luurve telling us to balance cca and schoolwork because it is so humanly possible to do that without getting exhausted!

This is why people have that triangle thing saying things like homework + sleep = no life, cca + sleep = bad grades and cca + homework = no sleep. What are they expecting us to be? Bionic teens with boundless of energy??

Anyway. Because of this, I'm like wondering if I should stop trying to be the best in everything to be happy or to do my best and be satisfied.

Like just aim for A can already. People around me all sp smart, I really don't know how they do it. Plus xi en and shu ang far beyond my level already.

Woah this is getting too long. Okay I'm going to be super early for school today haha oh well.

Bye!

Change

From here again, good luck with reading my handwriting haha!

Poker card PT

Last night kena poker cards PT.

T.T

Because the last time we did that, coach shuffled and we had to do 3 mins plank in total, she decided to let one of us shuffle.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Yu Liang's shuffling sucks.

Apparently at one point of time we had to do 40 tuck jumps in a row because of the picture cards and I remember hearing a lot of "7 more!" For like toe touches or something.

And! There were two picture cards (aka repeat previous action)  after the plank card. Since each deck has two jokers (joker=plank), we did like, 4 mins plank in total. More than three quarters i cheated of course.

I'm exhausted. 8 am class after that sigh how to survive all the deserts in CI later you tell me.

But it was fun! ^^

Back drawing again

Okay before anything, MARK V. YOU @$(#&$^!@(#~)$&. 

Dreaming of people doesn't really mean anything especially since I dream of a lot lot lot of people so YEAH. 

Anyway. 

I'm back drawing again hohoho and feeling so happy and excited picking up the pen and pencils and MY AWESOME NEW COPIC MARKERS HAHAHA I LOVE THEM SO MUCH OMG CANNOT STAND IT HEHEHEHEHEH!

Ahem. 

But yeah, having problems trying to draw because art block and lack of skill (sigh ) but WHO CARES I"M GONNA DRAW AND BE HAPPY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 

Bye! 

Being blur

I've been hearing this alot lately from my family, that I don't pay attention to my surroundings when I'm with them and well, duh, that's completely true.

My only defence is that when I'm with samantha, I become a little less blur because she is just as blur as I'm am (sorry Sam).

So i thought that maybe when I'm with friends, I'm like more alert or something but nooope I guess not.

After training yesterday we ended up touring redhill-commonwealth no thanks to Ian and JS and on obviously had to cross/jaywalk many roads.

And for almost every small road we had to jaywalk, I didn't notice the car round the corner and YuLiang had to stop me. Way too many times. Because after a while I stopped looking out for cars.

Man I'm horrible.

Is it just me?

I'm seeing a lot lot lot of 'happy 18th birthday!' Recently and its like, is there a difference?

Besides the fact that we're no longer 17, duh.

As in, I don't feel different. From 16. Because being 17 didn't feel that different from 16 either.

Well yeah yeah I've gotten alot more angry inside and stuff but like I still look the same!

It has come back to this once again HAHA. This is the ever constant topic between me and Sam every time we meet.

"Everyone looks so different ohmygod. Why we still look the same."

Looks down at what we're wearing, which is basically shirt, shorts and slippers.

Fine this is coming up now because I just saw some photos on insta and I'm like woah people they look different in a really good way.

Oh well. I just realised, it doesn't matter HAHA. I'm weird.

Bye y'all I'm off to school ~

So lucky whew.

Yeah exactly what the title says because I stayed back today to chiong my MIR project and I wanted to ask the teacher some questions but she forever never pick up phone so when I finally got bored enough and decided to go upstairs with Bryan to find her, she was already leaving for her lecture so I was like I'll come back in an hour!

Obviously I didn't really because it's me and also because when it was almost 5pm, JS asked if anyone had android charger, which i did, so I went from the business printing room to spectrum to lend him for a while, but I ended up staying to play some multiplayer game with him and Sherman for a quite a while until RuiShan called me to do a dry run for our presentation tomorrow so sadly I had to run off.

Here comes the lucky part, haha. I RAN INTO THE TEACHER WHILE RUNNING BACK UP HAHAHA OH GOD SO LUCKY YAY!!!!

Okay just killed myself playing squash so bye ~ 

Just a day with Sims

Wanted to post this for a while but got too lazy so shall post it now!

Pardon the bad handwriting, I was furious, haha.

Clouds

If you take a moment to just stop and stare at the sky, sometimes it looks pretty friggin awesome.

Happy endings rock

Today didn't go well.

First was probably my fault, should have left for school earlier. Anyway, I ended up rushing a little which sucked because my legs were still aching from Monday's running.

Then, was FMA's tutorial. Basically, I didn't get shit if what he was rambling on and on about. To think accounting's one of my options for year three ...

But wait! Right after that was QA lab and oh tadahh decision trees! Dumb diagram. So bloody confusing.

But wait! There's more! Immediately after QA was gen ed which (mind, QA was at T22) was at main library level 4A. Not only did I have to rush there, I almost got lost. Way to go.

But wait! Gen ed dragged on about 10 mins extra which was seriously bleh because ISPP sucks, I don't care about what I'm studying. Plus, I had another class back at ... wait for it... T21!

Keep waiting! Because it started raining and I had to take a different route to avoid the rain, which didn't really work because I got a bit desperate and walked in the rain a bit.

The waiting ends here kinda because right after jap class, I had cca which I was as usual reluctant to go. Strangely though, this time, it was cca that made this whole damn Wednesday so much happier.

Chatted over dinner, played bridge, walked this ridiculously longer way back to the Mrt, bickered with my senior Sherman, laughed at each other, suffered PT... yeah, it's definitely a happy end to an annoying day. =)

Hah.

Seriously? Hahaha what a joke.

Laughing at yourself

Archie Comic's once told me (haha this sounds ridiculous) that laughing at yourself makes you a better person. 

Obviously in that story it didn't exactly turn out as it probably should have, so honestly I don't really know how laughing at yourself makes you a better person.

Anyway, I thought of this because right now I'm having a drawing block, which sucks because my pencils and inks are like all in front of me screaming DRAW NOW but I have absolutely no inspiration. 

I managed to find this file of old drawings, like primary school old drawings so that makes it... at least 5 years back? Well moving on. I was looking for this (embarrassing much) old comic that I tried to draw out (I have tons of unfinished comics, sorry Kez) and my initial memory of it didn't really match what I saw. 

The general idea was right, I mean, I drew that crap, can't be too wrong about it. But the images and the super messed up flow of the story! Like oh, one moment the she's lying on the ground after being dropped from the air and the next panel, a really badly drawn 'magical' chest appears behind her out of nowhere. I mean, whaaaat???

Oh, and not to mention the major lack of backgrounds in that. Just really horribly drawn stuff that was so darn ridiculous I actually started laughing. At myself.

Makes me a better person harharhar. 

But really, that comic was horrible. 

Thankfully, the half-assed-never-seen-completion comics that followed that first attempt did see a tiny bit of improvement but GOD it is still so ridiculous and laughable!

Those pieces of paper will never ever see the light of day. 

Even my copy of Erza in a friggin' bunny suit(No thanks to Adam) isn't as embarrassing as those comics. 

Okay I am well and properly embarrassed now. So Bye!

Having passion

I've never really understood what 'having passion for etcetc' or 'do something you have a passion in,' really meant until today.

Yes yes very fast of me, I know.

As in, I get what it means but I don't understand what it feels like. How does it feel to have an undying passion for something?

Sure, when you have a passion for something, you like doing whatever it is. You really like it. Really really really really really really like it.

Hah! I'm stating the obvious now. But saying 'really like' just doesn't do the feeling of 'passion' justice.

I spent the whole of today except for about two hours, half of which was to clean the house and the other playing squash. And I don't know if I'm right or not but oh well.

I realized that I can sit and draw the whole damn day on one piece of paper (yes that's what I did) and not get bored but get more and more excited.

Hell, I laughed to myself while inking my drawings HAHA. And I can't wait to get back at it.

So anyway. Enlightenment came only when I realised that even though my drawings were like really hideous when young and still amateurish(at best) now, I'm still drawing and drawing and drawing.

I mean, look at squash. I gave up years ago after finding out how tiring and how much I sucked at it.

Actually I'm still not really sure what having a full on passion for something means but I'll just enjoy my drawings meanwhile.

Cheers!

-.-

I'm seriously damn frustrated.

And for once, its not because of training. Nope I had fun today even though my shots and everything still sucks.

Towards the end of training my sis told me my dad was going to pick me up so i was like oh okay sure save my card money.

Then moments later after I informed my mom that my training was over like she wanted, she asked me to have lunch with her.

Its not like I didn't want to eat with her, but my dad was already downstairs.

And I know she'll obviously be disappointed since that means she'll be alone but I don't know what to do! Either way I'll feel guilty and someone will be happy but that person won't be me.

What in the world am i supposed to do? 

End of exams HELL YEAH

My arm's tired from holding my phone up since I'm lying down and my legs are exhausted and aching but since I know I won't post this tomorrow, I shall do this now.

My exams and poly year 1 has (somewhat) officially ended!

And strangely, the same way (also somewhat) the way it started; at Fish and Co.

Anyway, after pizza lunch in school (dominoes rock), we went to Siloso Beach in Sentosa to play and first the guys played their rough rugby or something like that and the girls were playing volleyball. So gender segregated right. Halfway through Adeline's ball whacked my eye and my specs bent pretty badly. Oops.

But later we played the Ryan-game or whatever because it has no name so I'll call it that. Basically it involved a ball, some number calling and dodging. Damn you Ryan for throwing the balls so high but it was still really really fun anyway!

Later at night we played in the volleyball court and it was 'captain choose team' kind of thing and well as usual one of the last few to be picked but got into Ryan's team (out of pity or something but who cares, thanks for that like really) and whoa I actually managed to use what school taught in volleyball last time for service because I could serve! (And pretty much only that). Sadly no glasses so didn't see much.

And later. At the toilet. When BaoXin and I were showering. THE LIGHTS AUTO OFF OMG I ALMOST FREAKED OUT LIKE REALLY FREAK OUT. Damn those sensors. Cannot detect us moving meh! Pft.

Dinner at fish and Co then finally home whew.

Oh and thanks Ryan (again? This is weird.) For fixing my specs, its still like crooked and all but way better than before. Won't have to walk round squinting and everything.

Whew tired. I think i typed too much even thought i tried to summarize. Pics credit to the gals who took them!

Okay thats it goodnight. 

Flip phones

Right now I'm at the NATAS fair wishing like mad I have my flip phone back. With a touch screen.

Yeah its like being super greedy, "you can't have your cake and eat it too"  but noooo i want them both I love my pink flip phone I miss it so badly.

Although no, I don't miss its shitty storage space. What the hell? 1k messages in total. Although with whatsapp now it wouldn't really matter.

I miss hanging my charms on my phones. So old school, I know, but pft please. Old fashioned, cave woman, yup that's me HAHA.

I want my pink flip phone and pink charms back. Oh man I hope someone comes up with a phone that has both touch and flip features hohoho.

Bank recon update harhar

Because I got that question wrong damn it. This sure came back to me pretty fast.

My numbers are off by like, 25000.

You had one job.

Bank Recon

Since exams are in a few days, right now I'm just cramming as much revision in as possible. From the title its (somewhat) obvious that I'm doing accounting right now.

I was redoing this tutorial question on bank reconciliation and god I swear this company's accountant sucks.

The question had 8 bullet points telling me what needs to be adjusted etc and 5 of them is the bookkeeper's problem.

Didn't record

Write wrong number.... twice.

My cousin's voice just floated into my head while I was cursing this lousy bookkeeper out loud.

"You had one job." *insert dramatic eye roll.

I totally agree

It's the day of hearts fluttering down from ... wherever.

So. Valentine's day is finally over with. 

Oops. I mean finally here. But since it's past midnight, I guess the first sentence stands. 

ITS OVERRRR. 

Sigh, typical behaviour. 

In any case, I guess I did have fun today. 

First, class ended earlier at 2pm OH YEAH. 

Then, I played volleyball with the girls, which was way more fun since this time none of the guys were playing. Think I gave myself another blister though, whatever. 

And highlight of the day! Played pool at SPGG with Bryan RJ and Val. Obviously I sucked like hell. RJ carried me for the first game since everything I did missed haha. After that, Val and I played and man did I suck. 

Gave her like so many free balls and even shot one of hers in. Buuuut thanks to beginner's luck (hohoho) I somehow managed to get that last ball before she did. And that Bryan. So biased. Obviously supporting Val the whole way. Tsk. 
Of course I'm jealous LOL. No, not because of him ugh weird much, but because it was like the same when I played with my sec school friends. Everyone tried helping the other girl and left me to try by myself. Which surprise surprise was what happened today too. Of course it's not any of their fault, duh. Can't a girl be jealous-annoyed that she has to figure crap by herself all the time?

Okay a slight exaggeration but yeah whatever. It gets pretty .. well I don't know how to say, when others get extra help when here I am not getting shit either but no one is giving a damn even though we're equally clueless hello.

Anyway.

And oh! On the way home, I saw this really really pretty looking cloud! It had like cyan and light red and green!! And no, I am not colour blind or delusional. (You hear that Mark V. I am perfectly sane and un-drunk hahahaha) 

Cos my Uncle's house had no cold water. My only options were warm chrysanthemum tea or fruit beer. I tried both and the second one won. 

Anyway. I guess it wasn't that bad a day. Considering. (Screw SP's single awareness day. As if I'm not aware enough of my own relationship status psh)

And no, I am not wishing deep down inside oh how I wish I had a valentines blah blah blah. That's troublesome. What I'm wishing for is to play pool with Gen Chia again you hear me girl haha. 

It's just a weird unwanted feeling since my dad dropped me off in such a hurry, can't blame him since his girlfriend was probably waiting for him. Or me being the only kid there at the CNY dinner, boring much. 

OKAY ENOUGH PARTIAL RANTING. I shall turn in and let's hope the mosquito leaves me alone tonight. 

See, the only thing that really wants me, is the mosquito and I don't want it. Go figure, yeesh. Okay goodnight and Happy (now belated) Valentine's day y'all. 

Silence

It's happening again. 

I'm just walking with a group of friends to somewhere, and everyone is busy chatting away. 

Everyone but me. 

It's not as bad as last time but still, I'm pretty surprised to see it happen again. 

I mean, sometimes, I really just want to talk to someone or some person but honestly I have nothing to say. 

For example. I don't like going home alone but if it's just me and some other guy from class, excluding Adam since I know him quite well, I swear it's usually total silence the whole way. 

Obviously I start wondering if it's just me because well other girls don't seem to have any problems chatting away or something. 

Or sometimes I add something or a comment to a conversation and it just stops there. 

It's like, Did I say something wrong?

Inside I'm screaming, "I want to talk!!!!" yet I feel like there isn't much for me to say or I just feel like ... yeah, there's nothing for me to say. 

Everyone was chattering about how Domino's pizza was the best and the only thing I can say about Domino's was, "I don't know, there's a difference?" 

And I don't know if it's jealousy or what but ... oh nevermind. 

I just suck so badly at conversations. 

Believe it or not, sometimes it really takes a lot of effort to keep one going. 

Ugh thanks.

It's so petty. But I really find it annoying.

When the class chat just ignores~~~ all the way whatever you ask and go on with their own stuff. I mean, it doesn't happen to just me and sometimes I do ignore too anyway so I shouldn't be complaining. 

Karma.

I guess that means that no one knows. 

Ugh okay I'm thinking a wee bit too much now, as usual. Well yeah, concerning the damn chat group and no, I'm not going to say because spilling out your thinking too much thoughts feels ... I don't know, weak and whiny. 

OhMyGod. 

That moment when you (basically just me, really) realise you're more similar to Okonkwo than you think you'll ever be. 

People in my Lit class will know, haha. Spent so many essays criticizing his weaknesses, so I'm pretty sure I'll know whether or not I'm similar and ah ah ah guess what! Jackpot!

Okay not really, I'm not that extreme like he is but ugh even a little bit of similarity is puke-worthy.

Byee

PS. Happy Birthday Ryan! Many happy returns, dreams and memories. Although you won't see this probably forever since you cured yourself of stalking my blog thank you very much. 

It's CNY !

Too lazy to blog shit these days but since I'm sitting in front of my computer and kinda slacking off while internally debating if I should be pissed off at my friend or myself, I might as well take this chance to update or something.

Anyway. THANKS GEN CHIA FOR THAT POST ! 

I mean yeah I read it about a week late oops but thanks so much darlin' you're the best xD. 

And thanks so much to Kezia and co. (Too lazy to type everyone's names), that trip out on Sunday was so fun! You guys made my 18th birthday a little less lame than it really was. 

Not to mention that super cool pocket watch you guys got me. 

Athough I think I'm going to have trouble reading it, haha! 

I mean, I can't even read analogue watches properly so you've gotta expect some problems with roman numerals, right?

Right. Yes. It's not because I suck at reading time. Of course it's not because of that pshhhh.

Okay I want to get back to my drawing. I am so so so so going to complete that music project man. 

Speaking of music, I finally got out my storyline for GenEd! Oh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh man sigh of relief but not really because deadline's next week oops so screwed. 

I feel like I sound high or something. But I didn't eat any chocolates. 

OOPS I mean't sweets. Why did I type that? 

I mean, yeah, I did down some chocolates. (SO FAT ugh). 

Who cares. Actually I do but pft who cares.

Okay bye to those stalkers who still stalk this. You have little life. 

Happy Lunar New Year! 

FML

I don't know if its because of my mood swings that I'm feeling so frustrated now but I'm pretty sure its a contributing factor.

Having to shuffle in between houses every now and then makes me feel a little annoyed and unhappy already. I really really hate it. No one should have to do that.

Moreover, I've been hearing that from my mom since young. "Those poor kids have to shuffle from house to house, so terrible. When parents divorce, its always the kids who suffer."

Yet years later I've joined the group of 'poor things' who have to shuffle time between both parents since one is no longer a constant in their life.

I don't want to say FML MY LIFE SUCKS I HATE MY LIFE because right now, its not as bad as it could have been. I want to appreciate that my mom is still alive and well, I want to be thankful my dad still loves and cares for us.

Yet at times like this when I get so frustrated, my whole mind just screams how much life sucks. Get so torn between the two feelings you know?

Half of me knows that if I smile and tell myself everything is fine, if I smile then I'll feel better, and.the other half just wants to wallow in self-pity.

When oh when will I learn not to leave my projects to the last minute

Seriously?

First.

Some classmate (M---) said he could sell his kidney for 700k and 'any offers?' On twitter.

I mean its probably a 'just saying' thing but ugh -.-

Is he accepting installments? Because even if its his, if it matches my mom then Hell yes I want it. Its like, people need that kidney. And you're thinking of the 700k? You think leave yourself one kidney is okay? HAH. That soccer fanatic probably doesn't know that he can't play soccer much anymore with just one kidney. Jeez.

And ugh that 'donation' thing. I mean, those tin boxes one I think is okay. At least if I want to donate $2 or $0.20, its completely my choice. Because that's how donations should be, voluntary and from the heart.

Not some random guilt trip you pull on people as their walking down the street with food in their hands or something. 'Just ten dollars only.'

I'm sorry my dear but in case you haven't noticed, which you did because you pointed it out to me, I am a student. I do not have a fixed income. I live on an allowance which grows smaller with inflation. As much as I am considered more well off than those you are trying to ... help, I cannot afford to fork out $10 as if it were $0.10 to buy a dubious looking voucher.

There is no choice to donate a dollar or something. 'Must be $10.'

Charity is voluntary! If I'm not volunteering, don't guilt trip me or force me to donate more than i want to or can! Honestly.

Plus. I am not going to donate money just to have a percentage of it go to you as commission. Commission... for what? Running around selling vouchers? Its like doing sales under the righteous sounding name of charity. Those secondary school girls are giving their morning to help the needy for free. That is called charity.

The vouchers? I call that sales.

Yeah yeah say I'm wrong or whatever. Charity is a choice. So quit guilt-tripping.

That squirrel looks familiar ...

Well it's not a squirrel exactly. 

This year's birthday feels strangely similar to the one I had back in sec 2 or 3, only kind of a little more sad. 

That year, the only thing I remember doing was playing my computer games home alone while waiting for dinner. I felt pretty miserable that year, "What a lousy birthday." 

Well I had a nice dinner out anyway. 

This year? Well.. I'm home alone as usual but since I'm trying to stay off from games until the holidays, I decided bake instead. But since bread has to rise (-.-), I'm reading manga while waiting sigh.

It feels sad because I can't celebrate with my mom on the actual day itself, although dinner the other night was pretty awesome. At least I had a cake and candles to blow out too. The 'Happy Birthday' sign caught on fire halfway through heh heh heh. 

Nope, no song. Anyway. 

Usually the first person who wishes me past midnight are people closest to me, like my gal friends. This year ... was actually kinda funny now that I think of it. Mark called me while I was sleeping around 1225am and wished me before hanging up. Only I remember it as more like a dream since I was half awake and muttering who knows what into the phone. 

Well it's nice to know my friends still remember. My class definitely didn't remember. Which is kind of sad, but whatever. I wasn't expecting much from them. The time of celebrate everyone's birthday! is looong gone. No one cares to do anything anymore. 

Okay I sound whiny and ... I don't know what you call it. But hey, people want to feel special on the day they call their own and ... oh better check the dough. Oops I might have oiled it a bit too much. 

Okay enough. I want to read my manga. Bye! 

Will someone please respond ...

I do not want to stay up late tomorrow and rush out my economics project. 

We were like 3 quarters done before school reopened but now I'm just, "Where is the rest???" 

But is that the best part? 

Nooooooo.

What the hell is the point of Whatsapp groups for projects when no damn person replies. And I'm pretty sure my Whatsapp is working because I just receieved a message from the class group and was chatting just fine with Bao Xin earlier. 

Goddamn it it's Sunday and it's already 10pm plus! I'm pretty sure whoever has work has already knocked off and whoever has been busy should be free now. 

I posted in two groups. TWO. 

Seriously. For fudge's sake. 

Yoga breathing... however that goes. 

Since 3 effing pm. And I don't want to stay up late tonight. Hello, 8am class. I need my sleep. 

Ugh screw this.

See? Li Shan just replied me. My phone is working perfectly fine.

Balls. 

Ahh a seat

Yeah just got a seat (oh yeah outram park people)  which is like great because my back was starting to ache again.

I should really just hold my laptop.

Hmm.

Nah who cares its more convienient this way!

Anyway. We were all obsessing over Adeline's (sadly) Chinese book on uh... well... what do you call it? Blood type personality whatever etc.

So according to the translations I heard from my resident Chinese geniuses, type As are nice, caring perfectionists and type Bs are the happy, forever late (ahem sounds like someone who's always denying this) and.. hmm... can't remember. Basically the uh fun and kind of happy-go-lucky I guess.

Then the ABs (no not abs) apparently have the most faults wow okay.

And lastly the majority type Os are (sigh) pragmatic and realistic people. With bad sleeping and eating habits.

And there was this horoscope mix with blood type page for compatibility thing that was like pretty funny because me and Eva were looking at blood type Os and for with ABs, a good four rows were no not good never ever.

Even more somewhat (note, somewhat) sadly was since my date is in the middle of 2 signs, I have to look at both (so much work ugh) and hm well.

Lets just say if I follow the whole zodiac reading logic thingy, then the best match is no match.

Oh, reaching kallang! That was fast. Okay signing off then!

Common blood common surname.

Yan Er.

Yeah right CCA

Isn't it amazing how ccas can influence you.

For example. Thanks to my cca I'm in an extremely foul mood this morning.

Screw you.

I literally walked out of the house thinking, 'I hate everyone in life.'

Seriously even if you mean well, don't remind me that I have cca today because I hate my cca.

As usual of course.

So sadly. Thanks adam for ruining my morning with that bloody reminder. Although you probably mean well.

Ughh what the hellllll. I really want to quit.

Although that might just be me being lazy. Nahh surely not because I'm the most un-lazy person ever.

Hardworking* yes. I totally meant to use that.

Such bullshit. Obviously I'm lazy to train. Its not fun at all!

Swimming on the other hand ~ so much more awesome right!

I can hear all the shouts of agreement already. Of course swimming rocks thank you.

LOL. This is getting nowhere. At least the thought of swimming cheered me up!

Literally pain in the back

Honestly.

Is my bag too heavy or am I not used to standing straight?

So annoying. Lower back is aching again. And there I was thinking that it was gone for good since I'm no longer lugging those ridiculously heavy textbooks to school.

And I'm standing in the Mrt now. damn it.

You see? That's why take care of your precious back. Otherwise get old before your time.

Ugh.

Only 12 more stops to go.