2013

 2013 is finally coming to an end, and actually I'm not ready for it to end but sadly mother nature doesn't listen to me. 

Like when I'm swimming. Purposely must keep calling me when I want to swim. Do you know how troublesome it is? Swimming and thinking "IneedapeeIneedapee." 

Anyway. It's the last.. hour and a half (?) of 2013 and well I'm sitting at my table full from my hotpot (hurhur) and doing what I love/enjoy the most; drawing.

In any case, because I'm blogging just for the sake 'It's last day of 2013!!', and also because I want to go back to designing the clothes for my original character, I'll keep this so-called 2013 reflection thing short and sweet. 

It's been really fun! 

Cheers! 

YanEr

PS. See you next year lol. 

PPS/PPSS/PSS. Told you it was going to be a short reflection. 

Flashbacks

I can't remember which year it was, probably sec 1 to 3 I guess.

The girl guides were, as usual, serving food on speech day. Or was it cca commendation? Well, either way its the same.

Obviously on either occasions none of us were very happy about serving food. We'd just marched the whole parade thingy on speech day and you want us to rush to the canteen to set up while the rest gets to relax? And what about cca commendation day? Get dressed in the whole full gear just to serve people.

Looking back now, it was actually really fun bitching about having to lug the uniform and boots to school, and also setting up and all that. But anyway.

For some reason, I was always posted to the so called VIP table. I used to hate the idea of it. But come to think of it, it was probably the most entertaining Booth out of them all!

And by entertaining, I really mean most troublesome.

The teacher there I swear would like breathe down our necks every other minute to ensure we fatten up her colleagues.

"Fill up their plates when it's empty!"

"Arrange the food nicely!"

"Help them fill up the water!"

"Clear the plates for them!"

Sheesh! On that day, the teachers had their own set of waitresses decked out in full guides uniform. They were all like "wow such great service!"

Why yes thank you because I was the only one running around filling up their cups (would like more water sir?) since one of my dear partners ran off to slack somewhere.
But really, it was fun! Guessing when they needed refills and all was quite fun. By the end of the day sarah and I declared we could work as waitresses.

Of course we can't but hey sense of achievement! 

Okay bye!

PS KOKIA ROCKS.

Walk straight

Those were the exact words my cousin gave me as directions to my grandma's place.

Not surprisingly, I got lost. So basically right now, I'm standing in front of macpherson secondary waiting for my mother to get me.

You'd think that directions as simple as that would do the job, I mean, how hard is that!

Just walk straight darn it!

I guess that just goes to show how little a sense of.direction I possess. Sigh.

Oh there they are! Well time to go.

I walked straight all right, to the wrong place.

Bye!

Drawing

Right now, I'm fangirling over Saiyuki. 

Ohmygoddd they are so so so so so cute! 

Ahem. Anyway. 

Because of my recent obsession with them, I decided to try drawing Kenren from Saiyuki Gaiden. 

Obviously I'm not posting the photo because that takes work. Well, maybe I will but moving on. 

He was so darn difficult to draw oh man. I ended up completing like his eyes and nose before giving up. 

Yeah, yeah. Rome wasn't build in a day.

I will might get to finishing it ... some day. 

What? Rome wasn't build in a day. *wink* 

A bad wink if anyone tried imagining that. I can't wink well. And when I actually succeed, it looks so weird! Like awkward-ish and just ... unglam. So please, for the sake of your eyes, imagine some hot person doing a perfect wink instead. 

Like JiaWei winking when playing murderer. HEH. That one was funny. So unglam but so hilarious, but I digress. 

Did I use that right? Ah whatever. 

Anyway. What was I saying? Drawing, right. I was drawing. And then I realised just how much I missed drawing for the sake of drawing. What I mean is, recently, I've been drawing for the sake of colouring. 

Had this colouring craze. Just wanted to use my colour pencils and water colour it all! It was so damn fun. Trying to do shadows and all that. 

Before I realised it, I started drawing because I'm so eager to colour them. I couldn't wait until my drawing was complete so I could ink and colour them. 

Just now, because the starting of Sakura no Ki no Shite was stuck in my head, some really sad sounding song but so awesome, I decided to draw in my smaller sketch book and bam. I realised that it's been a while since I last drew... for the sake of drawing(?). Like, the intended ending was for it to be a black and white piece, not coloured. 

And oh man it felt so good to be concentrating on drawing itself and not rushing through to finish so I can colour it. 

I guess even sometimes for the things you enjoy doing, you forget all about the process itself. (?) 

I don't know what I'm saying. 

Oh to hell with the deep sayings and all that. 

Moral? 

Drawing feels damn good. I love drawing. 

Cheers! 

PS. Kenren and Tenpou is so hot.

Christmas Eve! (It is, right?)

Christmas sure came quick this year!

And this time, my nails are properly decorated with the Christmas stuff hah! On time, too!

Anyway, this morning, I risked being yelled at by my sister and barged into her room at 9am to wake her up. THE SUN WAS SHINING SO BRIGHTLY OH GOSH. PERFECT FOR SWIMMING!

Thankfully, she just covered herself with the blanket again and I backed out of the room before she could scold me. And minutes later, she emerged from the room! Mission accomplished oh yeah!

Watching her struggle to remember how to swim was amusing but I have to remind myself that that's probably how I looked a few months back when i first went swimming with Kezia. Oh the entertainment I must have provided you with, huh?  =)

Right now I'm on the bus to woodlands to accompany her to get some stuffnso I thought might as well blog or something, although my diary is suffering for want of use badly. Did I phrase that right? I have no idea.

Okay I shall continue enjoying my music so ... merry pretty holly everyone! Yes, I'm looking at my oh so pretty self manicured nails. So bimbotic, but whatever.

Cheers!

Burn lady burn

Its probably not nice of me to be like this during Christmas week. BUT TO HELL WITH THAT I'M EFFING PISSED OFF OH MY GOD.

I'm sitting at toastbox in tampines 1 and just UGH I have to rage. DARN AUNTIES DAMN YOU. JUST ARRGH.

So. Just a few minutes ago I was trying to look for a seat since toaatbox is usually quite full. And well, one perfect one just popped out so i went to the table and was about to sit.

Then. This dear aunty with her granddaughter came up from behind me, and even though i was already touching the table (which everyone knows it means taken if you understand basic ... I don't know! Its just basic!), she was like 'come come here got seat!'

And poof they sat down.

It was so in my face.

WHY DID I HESITATE OH MY GOD I'M SO STUPID UGH SO ANGRY SO ANGRY SO ANGRY!!!!!!!

Damn you aunty and your aunty mannerisms. I would curse, because in my mind I already am. But it would be crude.

@#$% you.

There, at least I censored it. For all we know, it could mean love you!

HAH. Yeah sure, toootally.

Burn lady burn.

Week before Christmas

It's been a really busy two weeks! Which is kind of sad because the days just flew by and I can see my much awaited holiday ending. 

Not to mention I've been avoiding checking the Blackboard since hey, who wants to do projects in December! 

Anyway. On Monday I was supposed to go the the Chalet but well, cramps that was bad enough to warrant a whole day sleep, so I skipped both the squash training and the chalet. 

On Tuesday, I went to the Chalet with Samantha since well it was Zhi Yu's birthday so I might as well. As usual, the day time was a little boring, played cards and all that. Which, hah I can do combos in Daidi ~ 

Sadly, because BBQ-ing isn't my thing, I spent most of the time hiding in the AC room using my phone and giggling at Tumblr posts. No Christopher,  don't be silly, I wasn't sleeping. 

Well Samantha seemed pretty happy munching away at the food that the guys were cooking and was definitely a much bigger help than I was. Since cooking and I don't mix well, I helped in the best way I could, staying out of the way. Which suit me just fine hurhurhur. 

Anyway, later that night, the guys rented a mahjong table and set (Oh yeah now we're talking!) I teamed with Samantha to show her how to play and we played until around midnight. 

It was so hilarious because Christopher was like so damn blur. Anyway, halfway through the game, the door suddenly burst open with a table and a cake on it. Like, oh surprise Zhi Yu Happy Birthday! 

Of course it didn't turn out that way. The ones who got a shock when they came in was Samantha, the guy next to me (sorry, can't remember who, was it Chris?) and me. We were like all wide-eyed and thinking holy crap, did not see that coming but lets bob our heads and clap along like we knew that was going to happen. 

In any case, too lazy to describe anymore. I won a few times in a row that night and had crab when I got home so yeah good day! 

Moving on to Thursday because this is so noteworthy; I wasn't feeling very well so I skipped training and told Adam to drop by after training so try the court shoes. 

Oh yeah he came, with a pretzel and a bottle of honey lemon \(^-^)/. It was so nice of him. Thanks man~ 

And then proceeded to download Amnesia into my computer to scare himself. 

Lastly! Yesterday I finally met up with Gen and we went all the way to some unknown area in East Coast road or something to try Penny University! The food was okay, but the pie! Oh the pie. Was so nice! 

We had a, what was it? Strawberry Lemon meringue or something. Soooooo good! And pretty too. >=) 

After that, we decided to try playing pool without guys for once.

The end result? I mean, besides the fact that we sucked so horribly our first game took slightly longer than half an hour. 

Oh my gosh I love playing pool! It is so addictive and fun! 

We played three games, one of which I lost, but they were all so fun oh my gosh. The amount of beginners luck I had was amazing! 

And the extreme failure at breaking. My white ball literally slid past one side of the triangle and straight into the pocket. Nice. 

In any case, I totally have to play pool with Gen again. Oh! And thanks so much again for teaching me how to end the knots and stuff for sewing! You're awesome darling.

Okay I have talked way too much. Bye! 

Back home.. in Tampines!

First, before I forget, thanks Mark for willingly coming down all the way from Dover to eat dinner tonight! Otherwise there'd only be me and Ryan and that means no dinner out which means dinner at ah mah house with that and that equates to an extremely pissed off and unhappy me since I'll have to see two people I really don't want to see tonight. So thanks!

Oh, thanks Ryan too, I guess!

Well I'm on the bus now reaching the interchange and I just thought... what if oh dear god I open the door and that damn woman is there?!

Thank goodness I have sims3 to play. Why? Because my darling internet is down since my wonderful father defaulted his payment thanks dad.

Whew. I just reached home and finished bathing and YES THANK YOU SHE'S NOT HERE.

House is in a mess though. Really need to scrub and mop the floor.

Today's dinner was fun though! Three of us went to strictly pancakes to eat and because both mark and I are clueless in Bedok, we trusted Ryan to bring us there. Dear Ryan made us walk so much there instead of taking the bus like most normal people would. But thanks anyway. 

Then because we all got full before we could finish our meal, we started playing the thumb game to decide who would eat what, which got grosser and grosser by the turn. As usual, I lost quite a number of rounds and ate like, some pretty ugh stuff. Which actually didn't taste that bad so whew for my weird tastebuds! Maybe trying canned dog food last time helped!

Then, we walked even more to East coast park, to the Macs there then to the skate park and was like going to reach the jetty when Ryan conveniently remembered the turn to the bus stop was actually before the skate park.

Insert loads more walking before we finally reached the bus stop and took 31!

Pretty fun day!

Oh and mom got me a dress yesterday so I wore it to work but I still feel weird in it. But! That means my new year clothes are done hur hur hur.

Nights!

Sims

I am so so so soooooo annoyed. And pissed. And annoyed.

Firstly, my sum got robbed twice and when her savings and everything is like, less than 1k. Damn you robber Avery sage who has no compassion for a poor sim living on so little.

And then. My game crashed a few times before I could save it. Which means, oh so lucky me has to replay the game again to get to where I was before the cursed game crashed.

Damn.

But is this the end? Oh noooooo.

I made friends with a really pretty sim and I decided she and my sim will become gal bffs or something ( so bimbotic, I know ) but I forgot that I didn't turn off vampires in my game. Guess what. She became a vampire oh my god. But that's not the worst of it, at least her skin isn't all pale and pasty.

But wait! There's more!

I had to search and all that for a sim that looked decent enough (I'm not even asking for good looking) to date my sim so I can hurry up and expand the family. And through her (haha) online dating I found this okay okay looking guy and was like YEAH MAN I GOT ONE!

That is, until I made my sim go out with him and discovered that he's attached damn that effer how dare he still friend me on that dating thing when he's married that pervert that cheater that two timer.

Looks like I'll have to (yes) set my house on fire and get together with the fireman instead. What? Its easier and better than getting someone to rob the house so i can meet a policeman. Welcome to the life of Sims people.

Little things

Strange how little things can influence your mood. Take two days ago for an example; the sky that morning was such a clear baby blue that I couldn't help but smile looking at it. (Before the econs paper screwed up my mood damn it.)

I'm sure there're many other examples, just that I cant remember. Like the cool December breeze in the morning oh man I love it so much its so awesome. Or watching the sunlight bounce off the vivid green leaves of the trees. When I'm in an AC room of course, not sweating outside with the sun reflecting off me.

Or just now, when my dad passed me his wallet to pay for a drink. I caught a glimpse of an old photo of my dad holding my sister and me back when we were really young.

Maybe its weird but it made me feel a little happy, or reassured at least. Reassured that my father actually does still care and love us both even if we dont feel a hint of it anymore.

That, of he just likes how he looks in that photo. Come on, it is a possibility.

Cheers!

Which to choose I wonder

SiP. 

Another headache. 

Which is retarded because it shouldn't be something difficult or stressful. 

I'm supposed to rank the option that I want to do next year, namely Active Aging, Social integration, Environment and Healthcare. 

Honestly, none of them really interests me. At most, the one that seems most interesting and etc to me would be Environment. 

Yeah, I'm a nerd. 

The problem? Oh, nothing new. As usual, it's something no one in class wants to do. 

As usual. 

But seriously, I am not going to do active aging. What can I say? It's not my interest. Which sounds kinda mean. But really. 

And once again, a part of me is refusing to apply for this alone. Which was the same for SFL, and sad to say, my diploma course. 

Well for the last one it wasn't a main factor but definitely a contributing one. 

Also, I know that if some people sees this it'll be bad because... yes. Already received a quarter-lecture from him about things like that. 

So here's to hoping he concentrates on studying for the MSTs  and not see this. A good chance, no?

Is that rain I'm looking at outside the window oh my god I thought it was just cold and windy today not rainy wow. 

Wait, it's just a super light drizzle, doesn't count. 

Anyway... there's no guarantee that I'll be in the same class as my friends. 

But... there'll be a good chance right?

I just asked my sister's boyfriend about his SiP and it sounded quite funny, though not surprising coming from him. Apparently, he chose Social Integration and their project was : 

PokeLand

Bascially, Pokemon Land!

Which is just hilarious because I was not expecting that at all. Well it did make it sound a whole lot more fun than it originally did. 

Okay, shall go back to deciding on my options. 

Pineapple cheesecakes everyone! 

I don't know where that came from. 

Bye! 

So screwed

My exams are in a few days and my motivation level is at pfft zero. I have absolutely no idea what I should be doing as revision. Which sucks.

I finished the practice papers in school and made notes... what else am I missing? I really can't think of anything else to do. For my mst, I really am slacking quite a bit.

Which, is why I am so screwed.

Its really times like this I wish (its something stupid as usual) that my grades were average like everyone else's. No expectations to live up to.

Although most of the time people say I'm stressing myself out.

Even little things people say make me wonder if I should really be studying all the time. Is there even a point? I mean ... I don't know, its worrying.

Haha, now I'm worrying.

Right now I don't feel like I should say what I'm worrying about. Maybe if I leave it alone, I'll forget all about it.

Which is cowardly, I know. I can practically hear a certain friend saying 'Excuses.' in my head now.

Yeah yeah, I get it. I'll just continue studying hard first. and hopefully, the candle won't burn out anytime soon.

For like, the next 10 years or so?

Cheers.

Long pants

I wore jeans to school today since the attire was 'smart casual' and as always, I swore I'd never wear it to school if I could help it.

So damn warm!!

Like, it wasn't that bad but it wasn't that good either. Conclusion: shorts for the Win.

Obviously the first thing I did when I reached home was to strip off the jeans and trade it for my shorts. Oh the relief man.

That was when I felt it. No, not the relief, I was and still am feeling that.

The cool, gentle breeze in the house.

I threw open my room window and stood in the middle of the house. Oh man that felt so cooling. Its been such a long time since I last felt this kind of awesome wind, especially in the house.

Oh oh there it is again! Ahhh god bless the wind even though I'm not religious.

Anyway, I decided that long pants make me appreciate such wind more. Because when wearing long pants, you don't feel shit at all.

Okay I shall check in on my instant noodles.

CHEERS!

Really? Tch.

Inline skating would have been a nice way to end the day. It was so fun playing ice and water!

Not to mention the collision between Adeline, Val and some other guy. MAN that was hilarious!

Obviously, days don't always end so nicely and seems like today's going to be one of those days. First was some random (not to mention kind of lame) message sent out by my friend to a group chat using my phone. Normally I don't care that much if the message is just plain retarded, but really now, a confession?

I'm not saying I don't take other phones to message dumb shit. Rarely, but duh of course I've done that before. But not things like that, that's just kinda weird.

Kind of neutral-annoyed at that but whatever, I guess it doesn't matter.

And then oh god. One that i promised not to tell anyone but I think expressing opinions should be fine. Judge me for all I care. And if you think I'm talking about you, then no, really, I'm not.

Seriously? What the hell are you trying to prove here?

And sadly(for me), that is all I can and will say on that. The internet is public.

I am disturbed that his ... opinion of me will become something like "that girl's seriously a bitch" but what the hell. It'll be mutual. And since I'm not going to pretend I don't hold grudges because that's a lousy lie, I'll just be quietly pissed until it burns out.

Okay back to stats to get annoyed even more.

Problems

Sometimes I just scroll through all the social media stuff and see people posting things concerning their problems, especially all the love life and stuff and for some insanely weird reason, this line will run through my mind.

"Why can't I have normal problems like that?"

Then three seconds later, I mentally face palm. Why the hell would I want problems like that??! What, the hell.

It looks like I have to remind myself how incredibly annoying and painful it is to fret over crushes and friendship and etc. For every one small moment of joy comes a ton of pain and unhappiness. Its a package deal.
Maybe its just me, I don't know.

But you know, life's really boring. I mean, sure, I have my problems. Dark ones, apparently. As mentioned by Mark or something. But still, its boring.

You know those times where you hear the message tone been before eagerly texting back a reply to your friend? Just a plain ol' simple conversation the whole day talking nothing but bullcrap to entertain. Yeah, I kind of miss them.

That really stupid smile you get when you read the message because your friend just texted you something lame and she knows you're going to smile at the phone like an idiot because she's already informed you that that's what you'll do. Did that make sense?

School's filled with fun, laughter and giggles. Even though I don't think we're that close at all, they're still pretty awesome.

And then I step into this apartment called home. Retire into my room.

It's like a whole different world. The comfort that should be there is just... different. Weird, maybe.

Oh dear, looks like I'm on a whole rant again.

I know this feeling. And I'm not liking it.

But what to do, can only suck it up and move on. 

I'd pray to god but I'm not religious. So maybe my dreams will be kind to me, let me dream of all the good things at night at least.

Goodnight!

Yeah, that's it

Been feeling kind of ... neutral recently. Which is weird. And it's like I haven't been doing anything right too.

House's a mess which i would love to clean but ... lets wait till the holidays.

Well... I guess that's it. Nothing much to do or look forward to.

Okay I'm just bored. On the train. Rushing to work. But I think I'll make it on time. Yay

EXPO

A pretty normal day filled with fun and laughter, as usual! 

Strangely, it should have been the most long and tiring day of the week (though I think Friday will probably win now) since we had essentially no breaks today. Our lunch break got eaten up by our accounting cher since she needed to do some makeup lesson from 12 to 4. 

4 hours! 

I came to school specially prepared for that. Yesterday, I went to Cold Storage to buy that awesome chocolate covered jelly sweet thingy which was kinda pricey but still, awesome. So during class, me and Eva just sat there snacking and doing work. 

Which for once I managed to understand BOOYEAH. 

I got my accounting right man ~ 

After school, we stayed back to do stats and thank god we did. If I read those ten questions at home, I probably wouldn't have understood crap from it and given up. Seriously. How in the great blue world am I supposed to know what formula to use? It is so damn confusing. 

We all felt like dying after reaching the fifth question. But thankfully the other five were a lot shorter. THANK GOODNESS. I would have died doing stats if there were more questions to do. I was kinda close to throwing a tantrum at all that dumb questions but well, I controlled. Not bad, huh? 

Anyway, we decided to just quickly rush home but on the way, Ryan suggested going to the EXPO to look at some shoes and I went along with him and Adam since well, going home alone isn't fun. 

I was feeling pretty tired by the time we reached there but watching them was really fun. Since I still have to practice my DBE, I'll cut the long story short. They hunted through piles of shoes (Vans, if I may add) before finally finding a decent pair for Adam. 

Then came the more exciting product; food. 

I swear the look on Ryan and Adam's face when they first started looking at the snacks. Even though I was getting really tired, I swear man it was so damn funny that it totally made my night.

You know that look on kids when they get super excited and happy or something? 

Yup.  

Watching two teenagers standing there laughing and giggling over food was really really funny. I didn't have to get anything to feel happy and all that; watching them was seriously good enough. What can I say? I like watching people. 

The prices weren't that bad either, so they both ended up with a bag a goodies worth around $10. 

Lastly before I really concentrate on my DBE because I'm getting so sleepy, I met Sherman on the way home, at the MRT there. Squash senior Sherman, not secondary school Sherman. I walked with him to the traffic light near S11, joking and kidding around before saying bye. A good way to end the day out too I guess. 

Alright, back to work now. Sadly. 

@$&*@¢£

Seriously pissed and frustrated.

I was prepared have lunch and dinner with my mom today and tomorrow but its all screwed up now. Mentally cursing now seriously.

First, tuition today cancelled because of some, I don't know, LAST MINUTE update that there's some noisy renovation or what work at the center. Too noisy to conduct class.

Can we postpone to tomorrow afternoon.

Excuse me. Its a damn Sunday. Sunday. Sunday. I treasure my Sundays okay. Its family day. No one should have to work on that day.

Plus, I was planning to eat lunch with my mom. Now.its all just ruined. I was really looking forward to eating with her.

Its so damn disappointing and frustrating. I just want to eat a meal with my mom. Can't you just let me have it?
Yeah yeah I can hear it now. It's working life, DEAL WITH IT.

Hell no. It's my family time. Why should I have to suck it up for work.

Appreciation

A thought crossed my mind as I was folding the clothes piled on my bed. 

I have to clean the toilet today.

I'm actually okay with doing the household chores. Things like sweeping, mopping, washing and stuff. Even cleaning the rabbit bedding's okay. 

But! The toilet!

It's just so ughhh. 

It sounds kind of horrible but it's times like this I really appreciate all the cleaning my Mom had to do over the years by herself. She cleaned the toilet every single day oh god. I wouldn't be able to stand it. 

So. Before I confront my arch nemesis, I just wanted to say THANKS MOM for making the house so clean when you were staying here. It's a little late I guess but better late then never~!

Appreciate the little things she does. Like cleaning the toilet. 

Of course I love and thank her for other stuff, she's not my maid. But today's topic is the toilet. So ... Yeah. 

Okay, bye! 

Dinner

Since I have time while waiting for the heater to warm up the water, I shall entertain myself by typing down my thoughts of today. 

Which did not start out that well. Woke up at 7.38am because the sun started shining on my head which gave me this massive headache and pissed me so badly but I decided to try and ignore it and go back to sleep; which kind of worked but my Whatsapp started beeping and I just yanked it out of the plug to read the message before proceeding to 'scold' Valerie for waking up so early and telling her to "go back to sleep". 

I thought I'd just wait for the alarm in my phone to ring before I really get up but it wasn't exactly a good choice because hearing that irritating alarm is just... moodkill. But I got up anyway! 

Took my time getting to school to meet my DBE group for some project stuff which was kinda fun I guess, even though I was internally cursing for most of it for existing. At least we got it out of the way by lunchtime! 

Which reminds me. Of something mildly embarrassing. 

Seriously, does my head really nod left and right when I sleep on the train?? I actually thought I was doing quite well on the way home today. I hugged my bag and just rested my head on it because well, in theory (or something), you won't lean left or right when you're hugging something on your lap right.

Apparently not ... 

Ugh. Both Ryan and Bryan said that I still leaned on well yeah when sleeping. But! I was half conscious, pretty sure of that! So how could I not know! I thought I was doing well in sleeping properly. 

Guess not.

Anyway, met up with Val, Adam and the two of them for dinner at Bedok after that. Felt completely lost there, like it was probably the first time I tapped out at Tanah Merah MRT station. 

Dinner was super fun! We just kept talking and sharing stuff, mostly about well crushes and all that and ... wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be when it came to my turn to share. Even so, their response was about the same as what the guys in secondary school have been saying about me; heartless. 

I am no longer surprised by it. In fact, I would call myself that too! The more I talked about it, the more I realised just how mean I was to them. In my defense, it was my way of nipping it in the bud. Oh well. 

Halfway while sharing mine, they passed a comment about me being competitive in studies which .. I admit, is true. Sometimes, it sounds like a bad thing because getting good grades but not up to my standard makes me sound like an arrogant(?) and annoying person. So it kinda got me thinking where did that competitiveness stem from? 

Hm. I wonder. 

I guess you could say the moment I started getting good grades in secondary 1, it felt good and after that it kind of became something people expected from me. It was horrible just imagining the disappointment of the people at home who were already beginning to brand me as the smart one and expecting like top in class results kind of thing. Honestly in upper sec, I studied like mad mainly because I was afraid to disappoint my mom, even though not once did she push me to score well. 

And ugh, the pathetic part. All that inferiority issues which I honestly really just ugh. I mean, those girls had like everything. Well not really, but it seemed like it! Looks, friends(yes I have few), athletic ability and stuff, seemed like grades was my the only thing I could feel sure of myself, the only bit of pride? I don't know. 

Well, that's that. Yeah the last part sounds a bit sob story. Ugh. But hey, skip it if it's too disgusting. 

Okay overall, awesome day. It's really one of those days that I can really think back and remember, It was a really great day! 

Goodnight, or morning if you want to be so time conscious!

Cheers! 

Tis a beautiful night

I don't even know why I use that as a title but it doesn't matter. Yes, it doesn't. 

Even though there is an annoyance at home now, I shall be calm and stay contented because as Mark said, anger is a choice. Therefore, I shall choose not to be angry. 

I mean, I learned my lesson about anger after being pissed at Costner for so long. It was so horrible for my heart, all the angst. The moment I chose to let go, it was like whoosh! Instant relief. So thank you Mark for the reminder. 

Tuition today was fun. The primary school exams were over and well obviously, Charles and his little brother were in no mood to do work. Obviously. Come on, which student in the right mind would want to do work when their long awaited end of years are over? Of course it's 'play all the way' mindset. 

In the end, we ended up doing crossword puzzles, boggle and some other word game. The crosswords were fun but honestly, the other two got boring for me after a while. What can I say? I suck at word games too. 

Oh and well, I thought I'd just say thanks to Adam and Ryan again for lending me their extra shirts (Why in the world do they have them) for Stats today. I completely forgot that it was in MLT 12 (some goddamn freezing hell) and was like prepared to freeze my ass off for one hour when two kind souls offered me their spare shirts as well, I don't know. 

Although I must say, I'm still surprised with Ryan's bag because it didn't look big yet it ... had so many things ... 

After taking out the shirt, he dug out his spare pants (for cca I guess) and towel and offered it to whoever might need extra protection against the cold. "You can use the towel as a scarf!" I don't know why, but that was hilarious. 

Well, I can't tell if it's just me or a headache is coming so that's all folks, s'long.

Cheers! 

Monday, ugh

I am so bored right now.

No thanks to me, obviously. My class for today is over and I'm still in school because no one from the east is going back yet.

And me being well, me, decided to wait for them until their going back. Sigh. I am such a genius. Its been only, what, five minutes? I'm already yawning and just zzz.

Even all the food around me isn't attracting me. Way too lazy to even queue up for food. Look at the crowd! It is so bloody crowded. Such a major turn off, ugh.

Okay I'm whining now. Bye!

Sunday Night

Which, by the way, doesn't feel like a Sunday night at all. Why, I barely even feel as if I had a weekend! Today should be a Saturday instead. Why is it not. 

Anyway, I feel so proud of myself today hehehe. I was bored had time today, so I decided to clean up the house! 

It took less than an hour anyway. But I did it more seriously than usual! Like I actually bent over to mop under the chairs properly. How un-lazy of me. Or wait, I think the word is hardworking. Right. Yes. I totally knew that.  Ahem ahem.

Anyway, I feel so sparkly ( not really but I like to be delusional ) clean! The sink is empty, the floor is dust-free, my bed is free of clothes, I fed the dog nice food, my table is messy but clean ( Like, how cool is that ), and the tables! Have been wiped clean! 

I am so proud of my unlaziness hard work.

Ooo, was that a lightning in the sky? I guess I'd better bring a jacket or something to school tomorrow. 

Speaking of which, I should check if there is a MOB CA1 tomorrow... 

Ohmygod. The blackboard says there is! I am so not prepared. 

I mean, come on. Personally, I feel the whole concept of playing Stacko as our CA1 ridiculous. Like, if that pile of cheap plastic topples, it's not just game over but CA1 grades over. Did that make sense? Ah, you get the idea. 

Topple it and you can kiss that A goodbye. 

And fine, the reason I think it's stupid is because I suck at that game. Why else would I avoid that stack of blocks like it's the plague? 

At least judge us on our teamwork based on, I don't know, observations during the game? The whole point is about our behaviour anyway, isn't it! Hell, even playing dominoes would make better sense in my opinion. 

UGH. So not a huge fan of that Stacko. Dominoes are way more fun. 

Well on the bright side, I don't have to lug my computer to school tomorrow! Hooray. 

I guess that's it then, shall turn in for the day. Having this weird headache that came when I was cleaning the house. I'm not even doing something stressful and a headache decides to pop by for a visit. Go figure. 

Oh! One more thing. Good luck for the Mother Tongue A Levels or something tomorrow! Chinese sucks rocks. But y'all do fine, because well, it's such a boring fascinating subject! *Inserts fake cheery voice here*. 

Okay, s'long folks. 

Cheers! 

Hooray, it's Friday!

Well today was good, I felt so comfortable at my mom's place until I didn't want to go home. But well, all good things come to an end!

During break time today, some of my classmates decided to engage in their favorite pastime after eating; camwhoring.

Which was actually kind of fun since everyone was so into it. We somehow ended up going gwiyomi or something but counting to ten instead of six because we deserve more than that.

Okay, that didn't actually make sense. But we took ten photos instead of six, the end.

POA class was actually not bad too, I understood what she was saying! And lets not forget the early  dismissal from stats today. Awesome or what man.

Well I can't remember what I wanted to say so its off with the household chores I ... go? I can't remember anymore either, but who cares, you get what I mean!

Cheers!

Yan Er

People, people, lend me your emails

Which is what I am doing, or was doing, at least. 

Waiting for people to tell me their email address but forget it, I found two out of five of them in my inbox after scrolling for a while and sent it to them so my job is done. Or partially done. 

And thank you, that one person who replied. I appreciate it so. 

I sound so bitchy now. Well, not really, but kind of. 

Right now, I don't really care though. So tired after a cranky start to the day, don't even get me started. 

And is 'sassy' a bad thing? I just remembered. 

It's just a passing (?) comment from my group mate today but well, it bothers. 

I am an introvert. Speaking in front of groups of people, or actually just presenting, used to make me freak out a lot. So uncomfortable. 

Why am I in a business school then, where such things are like, necessary? Sadly, the working world requires this kind of bloody skill of talking in front of large groups about what you researched on, so it's kind of in a way forcing myself to learn? I don't know, my reasoning anyway. 

During presentations so far, who I am in front is in a way kinda different from who I am, I guess. A persona to suit the situation? Maybe. 

But dear god that means that one of my masks is 'sassy'. And I don't even know if it's a good thing or bad! 

Well since it's 11.13pm, I shall not bother about this anymore. Instead, I shall congratulate the SP Squash team for winning gold, yay! Grats you hardcore training guys. 

Lastly, before I sign off, Bryan, I hope your foot/cut/blister/whateverhappenedtoit is better now, don't limp so much because it'll just hurt more.
 Ryan, I think your hand is okay already but ouch that was painful and I hope it's fine now. 
Oh and Greg, MAJOR OUCH on the toenail, get well soon dude. 
Ajay, don't poke the blister even it feels good to (Oh yes I know), it's supposed to help you recover faster.
Adam, you're out of shape. Exercise more man.
Mark, ........ its just an opinion but... carrying a belt in your bag might be useful. Don't scold me for this, it's just a thought. 
I don't remember if anyone else has any injuries or blisters from that impromptu street soccer today but take care y'all! I know most of you won't see this anyway. 

So, goodnight! TGIFTomorrow man. 

Yan Er 

PS. Anonymous um person(?), thanks! I sure hope it does. 

A description

This fault is not mine to bear,

for I am faultless.

This blame is not mine to claim, 

for I am blameless. 

Your actions cause mine,

you are the root of it all.

This fault is not mine, 

but always yours. 


Yeah, pretty much my dad. 

Goddamn it, I want to swim

Goddamn it, I want to swim. 

It's so freaking hot, which is just perfect for soaking in the water, and I have no one to go swimming with. 

And yes, I do need someone to go with because I suck at swimming so that person can come save my ass if something happens or whatever. Not to mention the company, gosh. Swimming alone is so bloody boring. Yes I've tried before and I don't know how people survive swimming alone. 

Loners. 

ARRGH. 

It's so damn boring when even your phone becomes... I don't know, inactive? I check Instagram, and it's just ... oh two pictures, wow okay five seconds of entertainment. 

Then I move on to twitter. Oh look, there's a football match and Steven Gerrad scored his 100th goal or something. Another minute or so of entertainment. 

Next up is tumblr. Which is probably the only nice thing to check in my phone these days, thank goodness for that. 

I mean, it's become so boring that I actually took out my accounting book to redo some questions under Accruals but that just pissed me off after three questions because it's so bloody confusing like ugh just why oh god. 

Okay anyway, I shall go have breakfast of leftover doughnut, yay. 

Cheers! 

I still want to go swimming. 

It's Friday, yay

First of all, today's my cousin's birthday so 

Happy Birthday cousin Cheryl!

I sincerely hope that she had a good day because her mother was being a complete female dog during the whole dinner. Everything about her attitude just read " I don't want to be here." 

Like, hello? I don't know what problems you have but for the sake of your daughter's 21st birthday, couldn't you just try to enjoy? Your daughter for goodness sake! 

But anyway, I shouldn't comment too much. Dinner was fun! Had supper at the airport with the other cousins for a gossip session ahem ahem and headed home, which is where I am now. Like, obviously. 

Since it's a Friday, one might think that I'd be overjoyed to be home now. I thought so too, actually. 

Unfortunately, there's another ... let's say annoyance in my house right now. Thank you, bitch, for ruining my night with that horrible presence of yours, I appreciate it so much. Oh and not to mention my wonderful Father, yes how could I forget, for bringing back stray pups home for entertainment. I just know you have our interests at heart because you care so much for us. 

In case I wasn't clear enough, that was sarcasm, or at least I hope it was. 

I am pissed, but not truely pissed. 

My face is just, like, black right now. I haven't looked at my dad since reaching home and I'm pretty sure it's been around an hour. 

Anyway, since it seems like my friends aren't... online right now, I shall as my cousin if she's playing or not. De-stress people, it's important! (Did I spell that right?) 

Ugh. So much hate. And I'm honestly afraid of the future right now, come to think of it. All the 'What ifs', especially on the living situation, because either option would make me the outsider and life would just suck after that. 

Okay, big talk with dad and well, bye. 

I'm standing on a bridge

Well actually, I'm not. But since having a blog title is nicer, I thought I'd just put what came to mind first and there you have it!

And I just noticed this kinda big and really red cut on my knee, like oh wow how could I not notice that! I'm so observant, really. 

Anyway, thanks Mark for using my blog as entertainment during class I am so honored. 

I'm not sure if I mean to be sarcastic or not. Oh well, at least it kept him from dozing off in class... right...?

Hmmph. I don't think I want to know the answer to that, haha. 

I guess right now until tomorrow evening I'll worry about the whole Sports for Life program thing because I haven't actually decided on what to join yet. Which sucks, because... well, it just sucks! 

Everyone kind of knows what they want to do already and I'm just going "Oh, that sport sucks," or "Oh I hate doing that!" and etc. 

But really, oh my god. Yoga? Like, hell no I'd just be daydreaming the whole time instead on thinking about nothing or something. I mean, yeah, don't knock it till you've tried or whatever but oh come on! Stretching? Ouch much, I can't even touch my toes. And yeah I know this will help me touch my toes but okay let's move on first. Meditating? I'm just going to doubt that, I don't know why. 

The whole inner peace thing would actually help I guess, since life can get pretty screwed up sometimes but........ 

I just have nothing to say about that. 

Option 2; Inline Skating! 

I knocked that door twice. Twice. No one opened man. 

The first time in primary six, I was like terrified of falling down that I just couldn't learn much. But I have a valid reason! Kind of. Sports day was coming! No way was I going to jeopardize my last runner position for the relay. It was my last year! 

Then, you have NYAA in sec 2. Honestly the only thing I remember about that, besides skipping half of it every week for NDOP training ( Flag bearer was so fun oh gosh the retarded kneeling thing ), was this SJAB guy bumping into me and making me almost fall. Not to mention the retarded trainer who kept bitching about us being late and all. Hello, it was the SJABS, not us Guides okay. Sheesh. 

Conclusion; not a good experience from Inline and it's just so ... I don't know, boring? Like, oh put on your wheels and let's roll round and round the square trying not to fall on our butts looking like complete fools! 

Okay, I know it's major bias here but oh man seriously? What is so fun about that! 

Well, I only have my choosiness to thank for this annoying situation now. Maybe I should go take a look at the list of sports they're offering again and think. There's still the fair/carnival/open house/ I-can't-remember-what's-it-called tomorrow after school. 

Ugh what a pain in the ass I am. Damn the fussiness! 

Well, anyway, cheers! 

Yan Er